This is a transcribed copy of Paranatural: Chapter 4. Feel free to add to it, as long as the information comes directly from the comic.
|Previous: Chapter 3||Next: Chapter 5|
|Guest Comic 1||Guest Comic 2||Guest Comic 3||Guest Comic 4||Guest Comic 5|
Alt text: Max and the Activity Club investigate supernatural activity in Mayview's backwoods on orders from Mr. Spender's superiors.
Alt text: Hey there. It's me, Alt Text. How's the fam?
Zoey: Pizza's here!
Mr. Puckett: Oh boy!
Mr. Puckett: Ah, Zoey, I hope you don't mind... I played for you while you were gone.
Mr. Puckett: Don't worry...
Mr. Puckett: I only lost twice!
Zoey: I was downstairs for two minutes.
Zoey: We're playing Monopoly.
Mr. Puckett: I may have made a few risky investments.
Max: He tried to build a, and I quote, "tower citadel worthy of my sorcery" out of like twenty stacked hotels. On Jail.
Alt text: ''I would have been back in less than two minutes but you gave me Monopoly money to pay the delivery guy with.''
PJ: Excuse me hello
PJ: I don't mean to bother you—I mean, I know I am. Bothering you.
PJ: Umm, but there are some customers downstairs
PJ: ...Who appear to be shoplifting glitter and energy drinks.
PJ: But that's, you know... no reason to think they won't buy something afterwards.
Max: ...in the world do we sell glitter for?
Mr. Puckett: It's used as a spice by deep vegans, or so I'm told. Why do you ask?
Max: Huh? Oh, uh... no reason.
Zoey: that's my soda
PJ: Since you are busy, Max, I, P.J., shall deal with this single-handed.
PJ: I just, um, have to find my hand first. Lefty takes walks.
Alt text: ''Ah, I'm sorry, Zoey. I meant to squeeze m'grease into MY soda.''
Francisco: You missed the target's center by nearly nine centimeters.
Francisco: You call that a spectral energy compression projectile burstshot??
Isabel: No, I call it a spec-shot. I'm a martial artist, not a martial scientist.
Isabel: No one cares what your attack's phylum is, Grandpa.
Alt text: You can tell the training is intense because the targets are designed to produce scornful onomatopeia.
Francisco: You can rename my techniques...
Francisco: YOU'VE IMPROVED THEEEM!!
Isabel: That's exactly what renaming them does!
Francisco: The manipulation of spetcral energy for combat requires aboslute metal precision. The slightest imperfection in your technique will limit its potential. Perfect your mind, and know limitless power!
Francisco: A single strike becomes three!
Disciple: Wow sir
Francisco: A swift jab becomes two dolphins!
Disciple: We are but worms
Disciple: I'm crying, sir.
Francisco: As my granddaughter, you must master these techniques and uphold the martial tradition of my style, Spectral Fist.
Isabel: That was lame
Isabel: A lame attack.
Isabel: I think tradition's/kinda wack.
Fransisco: DON'T YOU RAP AT ME, YOUNG LADY!
Alt text: ''I can only hope that someday you will understand this training's porpoise.''
Isabel: I don't need Spectral Fist. I can make whatever I want out of paper just by deciding to.
Francisco: Hrnph! You have a lot to learn, Isabel! You are a fool to rely on borrowed power!
Francisco: I shouldn't have given you that book. It's been a bad influence on you.
Francisco: ...Should have stuck to more wholesome gifts, like candy and video computer games.
Isabel: I'm only training to please you, Grandpa, so it'd be nice if you'd act grateful every once in a while!
Francisco: Nnrgh! Arrogant girl!
Francisco: How could such an immaculate and majestic being such as myself produce a descendant with such a flaw?!
Spirit: I am free! All mankind shall bleed
Francisco: Somebody grab that spirit! Those targets are useless if they're intangible to spectral energy!
Disciple: Sir, yes sir!
Disciple: Our lives for the targets!
Alt text: Also that spirit will usher in the apocalypse if allowed to return to full strength, but that's, you know, secondary
Ed: I HAVE AN ALIBI
Isabel: How are you doing I'm doing angry
Isabel: Well, I have a high number pointscore, but I don't know how it's conversion rate re: happiness.
Ed: Do you want me to draw up a chair?
Isabel: No thanks, I'll stand.
Isabel: Relative to the wall.
Isabel: Which, I believe, will be my autobiography's title.
Ed: ...Didjur grandpa chew you out again?
Isabel: Ha. I doubt he's capable of that.
Isabel: 'cause he's old. And old people have teeth problems.
Isabel: Well, he doesn't.
Isabel: But he deserves to.
Isabel: Wow, you're really smacking that puppy.
Ed: That would actually be a demon but I understand the mix-up.
Alt text: Literally draw up a chair. Sketch a seat. Do some stooligraphy. No wait that sounds gross.
Isabel: ...You skipped training.
Ed: I chose to train at something I'm passionate about getting better at. Namely, my Focus Attack Dash Pause Quit Restart Cancels.
Isabel: Grandpa's gonna get mad.
Ed: He seems happy as long as I can defend myself.
Isabel: Why can't he be like that with me? I'm the best at defending myself!
Ed: The best defense is a preemptive offense.
Isabel: Why does he care that I missed a target by eight centimeters?
Isabel: Missing a target by seven centimeters isn't that big a deal!
Ed: Same reason you care he cares.
Isabel: That's probably wishful thinking.
Ed: Wanna play? We've got infinite continues so no matter how strong our opponent is they'll ultimately be at our mercy.
Isabel: Now you're speaking my language.
Ed: I've been speaking English this whole time.
Alt text: ''You can use the Splashbird Wavebaby Pelican X controller, it's got a self-destruct button and everything.''
Spender: How do I look?
Lucifer: ANALOGous to onE MILLion dolLARS.
Spender: Then let's get this party started, shall we?
Alt text: ONE MILLion dollaRS WORTh of baD CLOThing and peRSONAL GROoming supPLIES. OH, BUUUurrn.
Alt text: I used the extra week to write each and every one of these characters' backstories. Can't wait for their individual flashback arcs.
Stucks: It's not that I don't appreciate being a lizardman...
Stucks: I'm just worried that people will see the lizard before the man. So from now on, I... I...
Stucks: ...wanna be a MANLIZARD!!
Stix: Oy, Spender!
Stix: Walker's waitin' fa youz on da fifteenth floor. His room.
Spender: O-oh, I am aware, thank y—
Stix: He ain't alone.
Stix: Ya little meetin' of da mindless is bein' minded by Boss Leader.
Stix: Youz sure getta lotta juicy hweeyermz for a caged boid. Must have yourself a real pritty voice.
Stucks: Juicy what?
Spender: Heh. So I've been told.
Spender: Just now.
Spender: BY you.
Spender: Thank you for the compliment.
Stix: It was sah-POST t'be an intimidatin' metaphor.
Alt text: You know, hweeyermz. Them little doit snakes what poops from they faces.
Male Specter: Hey hey, Spender! Too long no see!
Spender: We are stationed on opposite sides of the globe.
Male Specter: Distance doesn't matter here! You just have to take more naps!
Spender: I don't approve of wanton slumber.
Male Specter: Hey, hey, don't judge! My team isn't sleeping!
Female Specter: We were all three of us knocked unconscious by a large spirit.
Male Specter: It had beamray eyes, no joke!
Female Specter: Had.
Male Specter: Ha ha, 'cause we poked them out!
Female Specter: Yes, that is...
Female Specter: That is what I was alluding to.
Male Specter: All right! Back in the fight!
Male Specter: THat or she got eaten
Alt text: They're just riding elevators while they wait to wake up or die or whatever.
Alt text: Guts Glory is my wrestling name.
Spender: Ugh, it's... it's not even a practical—
Spender: A goatee would work maybe, but even then—SIIIIIGH...
Voice: YES COME IN
Spender: (grumble) Texas...
Texas: Wussa matter, Ricky-boy? Were you expecting'...
Alt text: ...a punchline??
Texas: ...a fart joke?!
Spender: I... what?
Texas: The doorknob, fool.
Walker: "Pull my finger." You were thinking it was a set-up for a fart joke, wurntcha??
Spender: It's a push door.
Walker: Wisecracker, huh?? I'll have you know that there door swings both ways!
Spender: ...Should I read into that?
Texas: If this room is to some extent a manifestation of my subconscious mind, it's only natural that stuff should exit as easy as it enters.
Spender: I'd like to assume that was self-deprecation but this door is making it difficult.
Texas: MAYBE DON'T INTERRUPT WHILE I'M QUEUIN' A SWIG.
Alt text: Wisecracker is Mr. Spender's Yahoo Answers username
Texas: My POINT was, if anyone wants t'come on i this dream room, all they gotta do is knock politely. I ain't got no secrets.
Texas: You wanna know the last time I cried? FINE! Last week when I passed some roadkill on the highway!
Texas: YOU wanna know what cologne I use? FINE! It's Poise by ChaFresh!
Spender: I don't want to know either of those things.
Texas: I don't like ya, an' I don't trust ya.
Texas: I don't like how you won't let no one inside your room, not even the Boss.
Texas: An' I don't trust yer word when y'say yer flocka lambs ain't got no wolves mixed in.. Especially when you won't let no sheepdogs near your pasture.
Spender: You're not that dog's master, Texs. It's liable to take a few sheep itself.
Spender: Farmanologies aside, I'd prefer to have this conversation once B.L. arrives...
Texas: What?! Which of those RATS Told you about—That was supposed t'be—
Spender: ...a secret?
Boss Leader: Please do forgive Walker's hypocrisy. I asked him not to tell you I'd be here.
Alt text: Kids, don't pursue a liberal arts degree. Instead, study something that will make your parents proud (of your large income), like Farmanalogy.
Boss Leader: You know how much I enjoy appearing unexpectedly.
Boss Leader: It lets one see others' true faces, if only for a brief moment.
Spender: Boss Leader...
Boss Leader: It also makes me seem
Boss Leader: mysterious
Boss Leader: Which is fun.
Spender: And what, pray tell, did my true face look like?
Texas: "Pray tell?" Jeezis.
Alt text: That is the face of a man with nothing to lose
Boss Leader: But let's not get off track. You were saying something about an extended metaphor?
Spender: It's just, I was under the impression that the collective opinion of our organization was that the Cousinhood of Man...
Spender: ...is icky.
Spender: I don't know what business this fellow who approached Walker thinks he has in Mayview, but whatever his reasons are, they aren't good enough for me...!!
Boss Leader: I completely agree...!!
Boss Leader: I wouldn't let those weirdos near any populated area if I could. They're dangerous. And gross.
Boss Leader: Like really super icky.
Spender: Then why would you what would you what? What?
Boss Leader: I wanted to see how you'd react.
Spender: It was informative.
Texas: Why were ya keepin' me in the dark about this? I put my full weight behind this Cousinhood nonsense!!
Boss Leader: I wanted to see how you'd react.
Boss Leader: It was entertaining.
Boss Leader: hee hee hoo hoo hee ha ha ha
Alt text: ''Irritate your subordinates. It's really fun.'' -Sun Tzu
Boss Leader: Don't worry, Rick, I would never let a stranger onto your turf without your permission.
Boss Leader: Which is why we'll send one of our boys to Mayview to look into the Cousinhood's concerns. They might find something you missed.
Spender': ...So that's your game.
Boss Leader: ...
Spender: Faced with the threat of frenzied vigilantes being set loose in my town, a visit from a fellow agent sounds like a reasonable alternative.
Spender: Getting my consent for an internal investigation was your goal all along.
Spender: Did you set it up this way to spare my feelings? ...It's touching you'd bother, though I'm insulted you hoped me too dull to realize when I'm being strongarmed.
Spender: The Cousinhood... was that a lie? Were they even interested in Mayview in the first place?
Spender: No... no they definitely were. You just seized the opportunity they presented. That's why Walker was kept out of the loop.
Walker: Whatchy'all whisperin' about?
Spender: If he's not in on the trick, he has no reason to lie about the Cousinhood approaching him... and I can't claim the whole thing's one big fabrication.
Spender: I'm thoroughly trapped. Even having figured all this out. I can ahrdly refuse a cordial inspection without appearing suspicious. Not with outside experts raising red flags.
Spender: ...Heh. Well played, Boss.
Boss Leader: Don't whine so much, Rick, it's inelegant. There's no consolation prize for describing how you lost.
Spender: I can't call it a loss. That would suggest an internal investigation gives me something to lose.
Boss Leader: So would your entire monologue, you ridiculous nerd.
Alt text: Take a drink every time someone speaks in italics
Spender: So? When can I expect a drunken cowboy on my doorstep?
Boss Leader: Ho ho! Nice try. I'm not sending someone you can outsmart, Ricky-boy.
Boss Leader: No, I'll send Walker if I end up needing something broken.
Spender: Please stop staring at my knees.
Boss Leader: ...Agent Day will arrive in Mayview tomorrow night. Do be cooperative.
Spender: Achacha. No time to dust.
Spender: Should I take Agent Day's selection as a sign you'd prefer all this to end in hugs and sunshine?
Boss Leader: No.
Boss Leader: Hey, Rick.
Boss Leader: Why're you hitting hourself
Spender: NO THAT'S NOT ME!!
Boss Leader: Ha ha, but seriously. Come to the fire. We'll discuss the little mission I have for you and your kids.
Boss Leader: Come, come! I've strained our friendships!
Boss Leader: Let's roast some imaginary marshmallows!
Alt text: They'll never work well together with such an unfortunate trio color scheme
Boy: ...Don't mind if I do.
Max: Hello, cops police?!
Max: It's me. Yes, some pasty fooligans are lifting my shop.
Max: Ha ha, I don't know how, they must be really strong.
Max: Better bring one, maybe two grenades. God Bless America to you too, ma'am. Thanks bye.
Boy: Listen, you—
Girl: Cool it. We're leaving.
Boy: ...Fine. Little brat.
Alt text: Can't a guy just steal your stuff in peace?!
PJ: GREAT HERO!
Max: There's nothing heroic about protecting stuff, PJ. And I didn't even do a good job of that.
PJ: You are being modest, Mister Max! It is very brave to stand up to people older than you!
PJ: If I were you, I would have just told your dad!
PJ: My dad. It would be my dad.
PJ: If I were you.
Max: Yeah, well, I couldn't do that. Dad thinks everything in Mayview is perfect. You should have heard him on the ride down here.
Max: "Max! Zoey!"
Max: "Everything in Mayview is perfect!"
Max: I wouldn't want to ruin that image for him so quickly.
PJ: Sounds to me like you were protecting more than just stuff after all.
Max: Yes, my father is an innocent flower...
Max: ...that I must shield from the world's evils.
PJ: A great hero needs a great hero name! Um, like...
Max: Yeah, that's taken.
Alt text: Max's imitation of his father in panels 7 and 8 is also accurate in that both of his hands are not on the wheel.
Deer Spirit: Thank you, great hero.
Deer Spirit: By gathering all 7 Scepters of Salutation, you have broken the ancient curse that so tormented my people. Now we must return to the Kingdom of Kindness.
Deer Spirit: Though I can give you no prize worthy of your deeds, know that you will be remembered always... as our champion.
Isaac: That won't do, Your Majesty.
Deer Spirit: Oh? But I really do have nothing to give—
Isaac: I would have you remember me... as a friend.
Deer Spirit: I will never forget you, friend human.
Isaac: Nor I you.
Max: Did I... miss something...?
Isabel: Nah, stuff like this happens every morning. You get used to it.
Alt text: You missed a whole arc it was some of my best work
Isabel: How's it going, newbie?
Max: Can't complain
Max: Oh, wait!
Max: Yes I can!
Max: I stayed up like all night waiting for a ghost to get tired.
Isabel: Ooh, beginners mistake! Ghosts can't sleep. Or eat.
Isabel: Or do any other exciting stuff. Ghosts are boring. Spirits are wehre it's at.
Max: ...Sleeping and eating are exciting for you?
Isabel: Oh, Isaac's coming this way.
Max: ...Is he?
Max: That is abnormal.
Isabel: Suuure is! C'mon, let's go let Mr. Spender know you're still alive.
Isaac: Oh, hey Max!
Max: yeah heyyyyyy
Alt text: Friends don't let friends freezeframe frivolously
Ravenous Gobbledygook: SKREEE!!
Spender: If it's revenge you hunger for, pest, you're starting awful high on the food chain
Spender: Now then, perish.
Ravenous Gobbledygook: !!
Spender: I'm expecting a ghest, you see.
Spender: Hm! Hm! Hm!
Spender: Hm! Hm! Hm!
Spender: I can't have vermin running amok.
Alt text: Don't let Mr. Spender trick you into thinking he's cool.
Spender: Oh my goodness, Isabel! I am so sorry!!
Isabel: It's fine I
Spender: Here, let me dissipate—
Max: JIMINY CRICKET. The HECK, man!?
Spender: AAH! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Isabel: 'S'not like you to be so jumpy. If it was anyone other than me who—
Spender: I know, I know. I'm just... a little on edge. Work... pressure.
Spender: S-still, though, nice reflexes! I'm sure your grandfather would be proud.
Alt text: If Ed had opened the door, he wouldn't have even seen those shurikens coming. Because his glasses are painted white.
Spender: Well, at least no one was hurt.
Spender: AAAH IRONY
Max: But we already BEAT this guy!
Isabel: Not enough!
Max: Guh! My bat's stuck!!
Isabel: HRRFF... same... here...!!
Spender: OH GOD IT'S NOT A POLTERGEIST ANYMORE IT'S GOING RIGHT THROUGH TO MY SKIIIN!
Isabel: ISABEL NO MERCY KILLS!!
Alt text: At this point Ol' Rick is considering unlocking his chi seals and using his finishing move, the Spender Life-Ender.
Ms. Baxter: Rick, about that form from yesterday—
Spender: I CAN EXPLAIN
Spender: THEY'RE HELPING ME!
Spender: I WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN!!
Ms. Baxter: e-excuse me
Spender: Class. Go.
Spender: Mission... after school.
Spender: Details then.
Alt text: THIS IS FOR MY OWN GOOD
Johnny: ...So there I was, mindin' my own business—
Ollie: Well actually we were chasin' those nerds though.
Johnny: Right, Ollie, beating on nerds is my business. it is my main source of income.
Johnny: S'how we got that grape
Johnny: and those golf cards.
Stephen: That's not income if we can't get cash for it
Johnny: Hey. HEY. This stuff's gonna appreciate in value over time!!
Johnny: What are you?
Johnny: an out-of-work doctor?!
Johnny: Have some patients!
Ollie: Johnny I just lost a lot of respect for you
Johnny: These things are gonna be worth QUADROUBLE what we stole them for once these suckers kick the bucket. And golfers are notoriously mortal.
Johnny: Use yer brain, Stephen.
Johnny: Ya don't sell yer chickens before they hatch.
Ollie: That's... You do... do that. It's a whole... it's a big thing.
Johnny: We're off-topic. What matters is what I saw yesterday!!
Alt text: That grape will be wine in no time, and that's like 3, 6K easy.
Stephen: HE shot what? From his what?!
Johnny: Lightning, mang! From 'is leg like KRRKOWBZOW! Ollie was there, he'll tell ya!
Ollie: I din't see no lightning legs.
Ollie: But I heard a loud noise I guess.
Johnny: That's not all, yo. I was watchin' that new kid through a fence and he went all SHOOP, like this!!
Stephen: GOOD GOD
Mr. Starchman: Excuse me
Mr. Starchman: What are you doing
Johnny: Arts n' crafts.
Mr. Starchman: This is an English class.
Stephen: We reject your labels, man!
Johnny: Those punks are mutants or somethin', bro. I know it. We're gonna figure this biz out.
Johnny: I'm fixin' to persuade the new kid to share some info. What say you do the same with his friend. He's the ginger with the hair. Know 'im?
Stephen: Sure, I know who you're talking about. I'll check 'im out.
Mr. Starchman: Do you want to know what we do to artists?
Alt text: Mr. Starchman Uses His Noodle
Jeff: I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, I SWEAR!!
Stephen: Shut up and start talking!
Jeff: I CAN'T DO BOTH THOSE THINGS SIMULTANEOUSLY!
Stephen: Can it, dweeb! I know all about what you do with your legs!
Jeff: THAT'S NOT REALLY PRIVILEGED INFORMATION
Stephen: I'm not leaving 'til I see you shoot some lightning!
Stephen: But don't, uh... shoot it at me, OK?
Cody: Excuse me.
Cody: I think it would be a good idea to stop assaulting my friend.
Cody: You were in detention twice this month, correct? According to the code of conduct, another offense will result in a suspension.
Stephen: Hmph! This isn't over, OK? We're gonna figure out what the deal is with you AND that new kid.
Stephen: My friends and I don't like things we don't understand! THey scare us! So we lash out at them violently!
Cody: You OK, Jeff?
Stephen: I'll get to the bottom of this!!
Cody: That's my line. What was all that he was going on about?
Jeff: Noo, he stretched my shirt
Alt text: There is actually no ghost train in this chapter the title is a metaphor or something
Alt text: Next page Max is stung, paralyzed, dissolved, and digested as other students look on in horror.
Ed: Heya, Max!
Ed: Just F.Y.I., ya prob'ly shouldn't walk through there fully exposed. With no shield, I mean.
Ed: Well without clothes either. This is a school, Max, gross.
Ed: Some of these spirits are crazy poisonous.
Spirit: Who told him that!?
Spirit: Purge the ranks!
Ed: Hm? Oh, don't worry. Peeps won't deduce the whole spirit ghost secret spectral superpowers club thing from a bit of weird behavior.
Ed: They'll just think yer crazy!
Ed: And if ya really own it, they might even like you! Ha ha!
Alt text: ''Question mark?''
Max: Why am I here?
Ed: Max asks the deep questions.
Max: I'm supposed to be in study hall.
Isabel: Study hall's for dweeblings and geekaboos.
ISabel: Are you either of those things??
Max: Are you smoking a pretzel?
Isabel: I'm eating a pretzel, obviously, but great guess, you know, just really good job.
Isabel: Listen, wise guy, we can't have you prancing naked through every dangling ceiling entity that catches your fancy, kapeesh?
Max: Yeah that really won't be an issu—
Isabel: Face it, you're not gonna last much longer if someone doesn't teach you some basic spectral self-defense techniques. Which is to say...
Isabel: Welcome to study hall.
Alt text: Ha ha but seriously I'm pretty sure they take attendance.
Isabel: OK, first get a lot of spectral energy flowing out of your arm...
Max: How do I do that?
Isabel: "Flex without flexing."
Max: So, like, do nothing.
Isabel: No, no, there's no physical motion, but yo go like HRRRRRRRRGH.
Max: ...That looks like actual flexing.
Isabel: No concentrate your energy, focus on your finger!
Isabel: Accept its faults!
Isabel: And acknowledge...
Isabel: ...its STRENGTH!!
Alt text: Right now like 8 different teachers are calling the main office to report weird yelling in the halls.
Isabel: This is the spec-shot! Let's go, fire together!
Ed: It's like an egg sac.
Ed: Don't worry, Max, I had just as much trouble with that move 'til Izzy's granda shamed me into gettin' it right.
Ed: Not that we'd um, need his help.
Ed: Max, that was a BAD spec-shot.
Isabel: Ed, it's f—
Ed: I will step on your weird egg. And crush your malformed offspring.
Max: Your grandfather's a spectral, too?
Isabel: Well, he—look, I'd rather not talk about...
Isabel: SAY! Who wants
Isabel: to meet my spirit!?
Alt text: ''Not me.'' ''Me neither.'' ''Oh, OK. We'll just wait until next chapter then.''
Max: W-what are you doing!?
Ed: CHANGING THE SUBJECT!!
Alt text: The additional 4 hours or so is what I use to come up with good alt text so today all you get is this
Isabel: This is Eightfold. She's kind of the coolest.
Eightfold: I am Eightfold, Devourer of Words!
Eightfold: Gimme a kiss!
Max: What? No.
Eightfold: Ahh, it feels good to stretch my legs again!
Eightfold: ALL EIGHT OF THEM!!! GYEHEHEHEH HEHEH!!
Max: That's... not a joke. Why are you laughing?
Isabel: Here, babe, I got you a snack.
Eightfold: Ah! I love you!
Eightfold: Mmf... snrf... too many *KRNCH*
Alt text: It was the flesht of times, it was the zombies of times.
Eightfold: Hey, you. Do you know what my power is?
Eightfold: I eat the words right outt a books, then weave whatever I wanna with the waste weft bweehind.
Ed: Ah, cute
Isabel: That was cute
Eightfold: WIke so!
Eightfold: Do you think, then, if I possessed you and made you my medium, your power would be to...
Max: ...control your poop
Eightfold: Idabell whyyyy?
Isabel: Free tip, Max, sometimes you gotta have a firm hand with your spirit.
Ed: The c—
Isabel: ...Those words have a familiar flavor...
Ed: The col—
Ed: The color of your spectral energy has t'match the spirit's if you wanna feed it an' use its powers! I'm tellin' you now, Max, 'cause Eightfold asked me the same thing an' I was real upset when I finally realized I'd never be an excrementalist!
Alt text: fart
Max: So, wait... since your spirit is out of your tool... didn't you just lose your powers?
Eightfold: MY powers!
Isabel: I mean, yeah, for now, yeah. It's no big deal.
Isabel: Eightfold only takes a few days to recover 'cause she's so small and weak.
Eightfold: HEY!! You say that like it's a bad thing!
Eightfold: Small's good! I fit in places! And isn't healing quickly a really great thing?
Eightfold: Strong and weak... prefect and imperfect. You can't rank complex beings so simply.
Eightfold: If you start underestimating me...
Eightfold: ILL EAT YOU
Eightfold: r favorite book
Isabel: OK, OK, we hear you.
Isabel: Time to tool up, chatterbug. Gonna need your powers for whatever Spender wants us to do after school.
Ed: Mr. Spender didn't tell you what the mission is? He told me.
Max: What did it just do!?!
Alt text: You say I am weak, I say I am peerless in the noble art of losing at fights.
Ed: We're takin' the ghost train outside the barrier t'pick up some Consortium person.
Isabel: Really? Who?
max: Who's got two thumbs and is feeling alienated by all those new concepts you just dropped?
Max: THIS GUY
Ed: Iono, he didn't say. Prob'ly another agent gonna learn from you grandpa.
Isabel: Ugh, they're endless. Whowever it is better bring their own toothbrush. They're not using mine.
Isabel: The six of us who already are won't stand for that.
Ed: Well, then again... we've never done a full club welcomin' party er anyone before. Y'think it could be some real important person?
Isabel: Please. It's Mayview.
Isabel: No one important ever comes here.
Alt text: Is masterful writing technique, yes? Character says ''it won't rain'' and then it rains. Good writing, A+
Nin: Hail, friend!
Nin: Up here!
Nin: Well met! Doorman sends his regards.
Forge: (high spirit) YOU'RE LATE.
Nin: Yes, sorry about that. I had to shake my tail.
Nin: Shake your tail?
Nin: Teehee, I mean I had to escape my pursuers, silly!
Forge: (high spirit) YOU FAILED.
Nin: W-well I thought it was funny.
Nin: Yeah, I did!
Nin: You serious types are the most fun to crack! Just wait!
Forge: (high spirit) NO.
Forge: (high spirit) LOOK.
Alt text: It's pointing at YOU, reader. They know you're peekin'.
Nin: Tch! I thought I ditched these creeps!
Nin: Don't bother, it's pointless.
Nin: Vile spirits...
Nin: Minions of our enemy.
Nin: Supposedly they seek out and obey the most evil being who'll let them.
Forge: ROLL OVER.
Nin: H-HUH!?! W-what do you think you're doing!?
Vile Spirits: ...
Nin: L-like that would work! We're the good guys, remember?!
Forge: (high spirit) YOU'RE HERE... WHY? TO KILL ME?
Forge: (high spirit) YOU ARE TOO WEAK.
Forge: (high spirit) BURN.
Alt text: ''YOU ARE TOO WEAK. BURN. SICK BURN. YOU JUST GOT BURNED. YOU'RE SO WEAK.''
Nin: Hey, hey, did you forget?!
Nin: You're standing right outside Mayview's barrier! They can't hurt you, and you can't hurt them.
Nin: Our priority right now should be getting you in to our side!
Alt text: Don't you hate when you try to torch some haters but it turns out there's a magical barrier in the way? SO awkward
Nin: They're trying to provoke you. We need to talk strategy, so ignore them and stay calm, OK?
Forge: (high spirit) I AM CALM.
Forge: (high spirit) DIE!!
Nin: WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!
Nin: It went through... you were lugging around a corporeal object this whole time?
Nin: You're one serious poltergeist, huh?
Nin: Well I'M not, so there's no getting it back. You could've used that metal, you oaf. The plan was to have you forge a door so we could pull you through. If you've got no materials, there's no easy way inside.
Forge: (high spirit) THEN TELL ME THE HARD WAY.
Alt text: The hard way is you go steal another road sign you worthless dope
Nin: You're assuming there IS a hard way. Listen, the barrier stretches around the whole town and completely blocks out spectrals, spirits, and everything their powers can throw at it.
Nin: Ghosts and possessed things pass through just fine, so we COULD smuggle you in via an object overlapping the barrier, BUT...
Forge: (high spirit) I'D BE TRAPPED.
Nin: Right, and we'd have no ethical way to restore you from whatever twig or boulder you'd be stuck in.
Nin: And before you ask, the unethical way's too slow. Trust me.
Nin: Then there's the ghost train. It passes through the barrier near every night. Problem is, it's guarded. Human passengers only.
Forge: I AM–
Nin: ...big and bad and more than a match for blah blah blah. So say sorcerors, storm gods, and all the other arrogant dead. The only difference between you and them is ME warning you right now:
Nin: If the sunglasses spectral is involved, fighting is not an option. You're big, and you're bad, but we've seen him take out the biggest and baddest. SINGULAR. THE spirit. The strongest one.
Nin: You hitch a ride on the ghost train, and he shows up? You're over.
Vile Spirit: ...
Forge: ...THE EASY WAY IS FINE, THEN.
Nin: Yeah, I thought so, coolguy.
Alt text: BUT I WON'T BE HAPPY ABOUT IT.
Nin: You'll have to find enough metal in the surrounding area to make a you-sized door and a matching key. Shouldn't be hard for a master blacksmith. The making part, at least.
Nin: Within the next 24 hours, Doorman will open up a mini-portal to you with the "usual method". He said you'd know what he meant.
Forge: (high spirit) ...I DO.
Nin: Once that's open, you drop the key you made through to us, and we use it to open a portal to the door you made, which you'll use to enter Mayview. It's simple!
Forge: I AM NOT ON YOUR SIDE.
Froge: MY SERVICE COMES AT A PRICE. I HAVE A DEBT THAT MUST BE PAID.
Forge: DO NOT LEAD THESE CREATURES TO HER AS YOU HAVE LED THEM TO ME. NOT BEFORE SHE HAS GIVEN ME WHAT I WANT.
Forge: (high spirit) DESTROY THEM.
Nin: Not possible. We're an awful match-up, the fight would take forever.
Forge: WAIT FOR NIGHT, THEN FLEE IN THE DARKNESS.
Nin: Please. I make my on darkness.
Alt text: I HAVE COLLEGE LOANS THAT MUST BE PAID.
Max: WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT!?
Max: There it is again! That sound!
Johnny:Here's a headline for that news chick: "Nerd Drug Into Alley, Reveals Secrets, Innards"
Max: NOT A CHANCE!! The past tense of "drag" is "dragged" and the editor will probably catch that, so—
Johnny: I KNOW!
Johnny: I just like to say "drug" because it disappoints authority!!
Max: YOU'RE EVIL!!
Max: Wait... One, two, there...
Max: Where's Jerk the Fourth?!
Max: OH NO—!
Max: ...Ah, right, you guys aren't smart enough for ambush tactics.
Johnny: Stephen's off witcha boy All Points Bully Ton extractin' some HOT FACTS.
Johnny: He's probably getting sick air of yer pal's ramp-hair RIGHT THIS NOW!
Alt text: Don't do drug
Max: Whatever. Isaac can take care of himself.
Johnny: ...'cause he's got that lightning, yeah?
Max: H-HOW DID—!?
Max: I m-mean, uumm, there's no such thing as lightning. I-idiot.
Johnny: SEE, Ollie? Ish be mad 'spish.
Ollie: Sure be, Johnny. WOnder what secrets he's hidin' inniz loser brain.
Max: (thinking) Sherby?
Sherby: (in thought bubble) LICK ME
Sherby: (in thought bubble) PLEASE
Johnny: OK, no listen up, you little punk—
Mr. Garcia: HEY!
Mr. Garcia: I heard all that. You woke me up.
Johnny: MR. GARCIA! Where did you come from!?
Mr. Garcia: From the blighted womb of your worst nightmare, quivering on legs innumerable, soaked in the black ooze of your greatest fears. I rear back my heavy head, and howl:
Mr. Garcia: DETEEENTION
Mr. Garcia: ...for AAAALLL three of you! I swear, I'm the only one around here that doesn't find threats and voilence to be charming. Kids these days!
Mr. Garcia: Now scram! Go go go!
Mr. Garcia: OK, now listen up, punk—
Alt text: Historians take note: the first thought bubble in Paranatural was used to make a weird joke (?) about Furbies? I guess?
Mr. Garcia: You haven't told anybody what you saw, have you!?
Max: What I saw?
Max: You mean... you floating in a brook... on a random Mayview hillside?
Mr. Garcia: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
Max: Oh, did you mean something else, then?
Mr. Garcia: WHAT? NO. THE THING YOU JUST SAID.
Max: the thing you don't know about.
Mr. Garcia: YES.
Mr. Garcia: I don't even want to hear RUMORS about this, OK? That'd be enough for—LOOK, it's in your BEST INTEREST to keep quiet, OK, kid?!
Max: H-how so?
Mr. Garcia: Please don't tell.
Mr. Garcia: I'll do anything you ask.
Spender: There you are, Garcia. I've been looking for you.
Spender: We need to talk.
Mr. Garcia: Spender! When'd you—uh, ok.
Spender: The teacher's lounge, then.
Mr. Garcia: Y-yeah, whatever
Spender: ...Listen, Max—
Max: AH! WHAT!
Spender: Um, I just wanted to say... we didn't get to talk earlier, but if you ever do want to talk—about anything—you can come to me.
Max: Anything? Wow, dude, you must be really lonely.
Spender: ...Um, right. I'll, uh, see you after school, then.
Alt text: Spender's been telling everyone who's asked that the blood on his shirt is actually a cool minimalistic design. No one's asked, though. So lonely.
Spender: Our mission is a straightforward one.
Spender: A friend of mine will be arriving outside Mayview this evening. We'll be the welcoming party and her escort into the town proper.
Isaac: A friend of yours?
Spender: ...That's right.
Spender: We'll take the train out to meet he. THis is anoncombat mission.
Spender: Our objective is tomake a good first impression.
Isabel: Did you catch that?
Isaac: um... no.
Max: What'd he say?
Isabel: It's kind of hard to hear when you're talking with your back to us.
Spender: [...] ou all [...] up [...] o get [...] yo [...] ork done [...] e [...] rly~
Max: ...Man, what a pain.
Alt text: Two steps forward, one flash back.
PJ: Hey Mr. Max! Are you—
Max: Not now, PJ, I'm busy
Max: If you want to help, come look for more metal junk with me.
PJ: Metal junk?
Max: Yeah, to weaponize.
Max: I'm just gonna run with the magnet powers thing, theme myself up some.
Max: Chuck scrap around, maybe get some cool piercings...
PJ: This will result in injury.
Max: Hmm, are CDs metal?
PJ: They are shiny.
PJ: That one seems very metal.
PJ: I, too, enjoy music.
Max: Wow, small world. Well, I gotta run. Peace.
PJ: Say, Max...
Alt text: You can tell NECROMANTID is a hardcore band because they ignored Science Law and made a bug have a skeleton.
PJ: You must think I'm pretty boring, huh?
PJ: You and those other kids from the other night, you're like superheroes, with special weapons and—and powers like spirits have!
PJ: You're going on a superhero mission right now, aren't you!?
Max: ...Uh, yeah, I guess.
PJ: That's so cool!
PJ: ...I've read a lot of comic books, y'know.
PJ: I can tell. I'm not like you. I'm not important at all.
Max: ...How do you figure?
PJ: Heroes don't die.
PJ: Not before the story starts.
Alt text: ''Welp, see ya later.''
Max: I don't know what comic books were like in your time...
Max: But these days superheroes die ALL THE TIME. Usually more than once!!
Max: And like, most of the time it only makes them better heroes!
PJ: Um... that's nice and all, but I don't see how I'm any better off.
Max: W-well, you can fly, right? And pass through walls, and you're invisible to 99.9% of people?
Max: Each of those is some heroes' only power. You're three superheroes combined.
PJ: Oh. Oh.
Max: SO MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE SUCH A BAD ATTITUDE ABOUT HAVING DIED—
PJ: w-what whoa
Max: G-GHOSTS ARE COOL. I WISH I WAS DED
PJ: keep trying
Max: YOU'RE GOOD, AND NOT BAD.
PJ: Thank you Max, that's relatively inoffensive of you.
Max: You've got spectral energy, so I don't see why you couldn't wield a "special weapon" of your own, given it matched your color.
PJ: OH MY STARS, really??
Max: Y-yeah! I'll ask my teacher about it tonight, OK?
Max: You see? You're as real as anyone else. Death doesn't have to mean the end of anything!
Alt text: You're 3 superheroes combined or roughly one half of Danny Phantom.
Max: Hey, Dad. I've got a question for you.
Mr. Puckett: Ask ye, mine sweet loinsfruit.
Max: Can you never, ever call me your loinsfruit again? Ever?
Mr. Puckett: How did you know to ask that before I said it? Are you some kind of weird psychic?
Max: That's NOT what my question was, DAD.
Max: I was GOING to ask if we could visit Baxborough soon. Like... maybe this weekend...
Mr. Puckett: We've only been out of the city for a few days... Y'miss your friends, huh, kiddo.
Max: ...Well yeah.
Mr. Puckett: I'd still love you even if you were a weird psychic, y'know.
Max: I'M NOT A WEIRD—
Max: ...That's good to know.
Alt text: Last panel Dad may very well have elbowed the cash register onto the floor.
Max: Oh, what—
Max: What the aych?!
Max: Oh got it is Spender.
Max: Oh god he's driving in sunglasses at night
Max: Oh god he's wearing driving gloves
Alt text: Automatic door stunned into nonaction.
Max: Did we really have to take our shoes off in your car?
Spender: No, but you don't have to punch bears, either.
Isaac: was that a death threat
Max: How'd a teacher afford a car like this anyways? Do you get paid for ghostbusting?
Max: Do we?
Spender: The precious memories you'll make on the job are their own reward.
Spender: Aaand the only reward.
Spender: We are not paid.
Max: If I'd know I was doing volunteer work I would've told my dad that instead of saying I'm studying homework theory at a nocturnal friend's.
Spender: You should have let me introduce myself. You can't make a bad first impression with a vehicle this classy.
Isaac: (grumble) make a good LAST impression (grumble) ...in a WALL.
Max: IF you gave this thing a woman's name I'm quitting your dang club.
Spender: I did not.
Spender: ...Se llama Giancarlo.
Max: I heard that.
Alt text: All panels with dialogue outside the car are the car talking. Talking car is alt text canon.
Max: Hey, Isaac, by the way, I gotta tell you about something serious
Max: Like super serious.
Max: That guy Johnny—
Isaac: (Wait, Max. If this is a secret, tell me later. Mr. Spender can definitely hear everything...!)
Spender: No I can't
Isaac: Oh, good.
Alt text: Alt text canon talking car has now stolen its passengers' faces. It grows stronger.
Francisco: In 3 blows...
Francisco: ...it will be your victory.
Alt text: buckle my SHOE
Specter: i don't need you to count for me.
Francisco: Good job.
Francisco: Next time win in two.
Isabel: ...You did that on purpose.
Ed: That or he didn't actually know who was gonna win.
Francisco: SHUT YOUR IMPUDENT TRAP, FREELOADER.
Alt text: ''Also it could be argued that that was like 4 or 5 blows. And saying 'win in two next time' doesn't make sense 'cause you started counting at some arbitrary midpoint in the fight'' ''CEASE YOUR INSOLENCE''
Isabel: ... I want a rematch.
Francisco: That's enough, Isabel. I do not expect a mere child to defeat an opponent twice their age.
Isabel: But you expect me to.
Isabel: So are you trying to teach me something, or are you punishing me for not bein a prodigy?!
Francisco: ...I wanted to you to see your overconfidence as I do...
Francisco: ...an embarrassment.
Isabel: What, then, I'm too weak to be proud?! What's the alternative?! You want me to be some meek flower like Dad?!? You HATE hi—
Francisco: I want you to be strong. To earn your pride and blood.
Isabel: I AM strong!!
Alt text: Don't hate, hydrate.
Francisco: Is that so?? Well then—
Spender: Impressive, Isabel! Using a tool at such a distance is no easy feat! Why, even I—
Isabel: I can't understand you when you clap and talk at the same time!
Spender: Hm? Oh.
Francisco: Is he on my roof?! GET OFF MY ROOF!!
Spender: ow, jesu
Spender': Greetings... my master.
Francisco: To what ill twist of fortune do I owe this unexpected visit from my brightest pupil?
Spender: Aha, a clever allusion to my sunglasses' ability to manipulate light. Very nice.
Spender: ...That's what that was, right?
Francisco: WELL I WASN'T CALLING YOU SMART
Alt text: You owe my unexpected visit to THIS ill twist!! *does another front flip off the roof*
Spender: I'm here for your granddaughter and your ward. Consortium business
Francisco: Feh. Damage them and know true pain.
Isabel: ...Gonna say anything about that last construct I got grabbed with?
Francisco: ...It was needlessly elaborate.
Francisco: If you know your weaknesses, face and eliminate them!
Isabel: Why did she know my "weakness"?!
Francisco: Hmph! One day you will thank me for honing your edge.
Isabel: That's not—
Isabel: That's not fair.
Isabel: This has nothing to do with—
Spender: Master, if I may be so bold—
Francisco: You may not. It's about time someone asked permission.
Ed: Wait up, Izzy!
Francisco: That infernal book. Without its power, she wouldn't spurn my lessons so. A lord is granted a fiefdom and thinks herself King.
Francisco: Hmph. Why are you still here?
Spender: ...We've got trouble.
Alt text: ''I'm pretty sure I broke both my ankles jumping off the roof.''
Isaac: That Johnny guy saw me use my weather powers!?
Max: ...Yes, that's what I just said. I don't know why you're repeating it back to me as a full sentence.
Isaac: Oh MAN. Oh JEEZ.
Max: So what do we do?
Isaac: I DON'T KNOW, THIS IS COMPLETELY UNPRECEDENTED!
Mr. Starchman: Mr. Spender, about this blank piece of pape—
Mr. Starchman: OH MY STARS!
Ed: It's CGI
Mr. Starchman: Oh, OK.
Isaac: COMPLETELY UNPRECEDENTED.
Max: Chill dude, no one Johnny tells will believe him. And if they do there's no laws on the books against controlling the weather.
Max: So let's just tell Spender and have him erase Johnny's memories with lasers. PROBLEM SOLVED.
Isaac: N-no, we need to deal with this by ourselves. Can't tell Mr. Spender.
Isaac: You can tell: Mr. Spender didn't come up with the rule about keeping everythign spectral secret, it's dogma passed down to him by some authority.
Max: All I heard just now was "you can tell Mr. Spender."
Isaac: Look, they already exclude me, OK? I can't afford to break a central tenet of... whatever they're called.
Alt text: The Ghostbusters.
Francisco: The Activity Consortium!?
Spender: ...is sending another agent to Mayview, yes. Why did you repeat "Activity Consortium" so dramatically?
Francisco: I don't know, it felt appropriate.
Francisco: Another mouth for me to feed? That is trouble.
Spender: This one's not meant to be your student.
Francisco: "Not meant to be" and "not going to be" are two different things, son.
Spender: It's an internal investigation.
Spender: Agent Day. Low level grunt, young. Walker's pupil. Uses a tool with "Cupid's arrow" powers.
Spender: We've been introduced. She's physically disabled and impossibly naive...
Spender: ...No threat at all.
Francisco: Listen to yourself, Spender. Is that any way to talk about a coworker?
Spender: You've said worse about me.
Francisco: Well I'm retired.
Spender: I dont' like sounding callous, Master, but it's a natural side effect of working pragmatically for the greater good.
Francisco: ...And being a callous servant of evil. You'll perish choking on the words "greater good" with some hero's blade in your gut, mark my words.
Francisco: Now sit back down, we're not done here.
Alt text: I have to give you a weird massage with my gas talons
Francisco: It's concerning that you speak of treason so freely with me. "We've got trouble!" Do you think me your co-conspirator?! Have you forgotten whose soldiers I train?! Where is your caution, boy?!
Spender: M-master, I thought—But... you wouldn't tell the Boss...! I've treated you as a confidant, told you all my secrets—
Francisco: Which has made me a better enemy, fool, not a better friend! I'M not threatening you, Spender, but know that relying on others' fidelity is just as dangerous as relying on the power of spirits.
Francisco: ...And I don't recall paying a steep price to earn your trust. Keep that in mind when dealing with this Agent Day.
Francisco: IF you do anything of questionable morality... and the wrong person finds out... you will be stopped. Your mission will end, and it will be a just end, despite all your good intentions.
Spender: ...Solve Mayview's mystery and find the enemy lurking within. Protect the people I care about, and save the one's we've lost... all without getting blood on my hands. That's... a lot.
Spender: ...I don't know if—
Spender: ...Master, if I ever go too far... towards darkness... please—I would only trust your judgement—be the one to bring me down.
Francisco: That was the worst sentence ever.
Spender: I'm-I'm being serious.
Francisco: Hmph. Very well then. I dare not ask the same of you; you're a terrible judge of character.
Spender: Haha. You... have my thanks.
Francisco: Ahh, Spender. IF you weren't such a lone wolf, I could do great things with you.
Spender: Heh. My apologies, Master, but I can't devote myself to martial arts. I'm hopelessly multitalented.
Francisco: ...I hate that nerd.
Alt text: Spender's other talents include: automobile maintenance, embroidery, Dance Dance Revolution,
Max: I don't get it, dude. Why do the others keep you in the dark about stuff?
Max: Was it something you did?
Isaac: Well, I—
Isabel: WHAT'S UP, DORKS?! You two ready to punch some spirits?!
Isaac: It's not a fighting mission Isabel are you going to be OK
Isabel: BooooOOoring. Guess I'll punch one of you.
Max: If I cry, it's a general thing like I'm sad for the world that punching exists
Isabel: Hey. You guys don't think I—
Spender: HEY GANG! Sorry for the wait, I lost track of time in a conversation.
Isabel: ...What were you talking to my grandfather about?
Spender: Oh, um, just some problems of my own.
Spender: Truthfully, I—
Ed: Hi guys!
Ed: Oh sorry did I interrupt something import
Max: PROBABLY NOT LET'S JUST GO
Spender: It's time for US... to catch a TRAIN
Alt text: Cue 6 pages of Ed and Isabel being reprimanded for wearing their shoes in the car
Suzy: OK there's definitely a story here, but we need more than a story to fill a paper. Can't we find anything other than this?
Collin: I mean... we could ask Lisa—
Suzy: That girl is a witch and an enigma and her dark powers are to be used sparringly.
Suzy: If she knows we're relying on her info, she'll start asking for souls, Collin, and those are harder to harvest than Starchman Stars.
Suzy: Dee, you've got a "got something" face. Whattaya got for me, baby?
Dimitri: I got that thing you wanted. Get ready.
Collin: Oh god, Suzy, your face. Do I want this file on my computer?
Suzy: No you do not.
Suzy: OK boys, keep spreading chatter that a kid from our school jumped through a moving bus. We'll run it as a story once the rumor's too large to source back to us.
Dimitri: No one cares what we write anyways.
Suzy: We'll make it sound so cool that the principal has to threaten the culprit with endless detention to keep us Jumping from becoming the next Hoola Hoop Battles.
Collin: ...HHBs were really popular.
Suzy: Of course, we won't say who did it. Max just has to THINK we will if he refuses to be my spyyy!
Collin: Are you OK with this?
Dimitri: If I weren't, I 'd do something about it. Would you?
Collin: Huh? Oh, I was talking to my cat. She's, um, picky about the spoons she eats from...
Suzy: Just you wait, Activity Club. I'm gonna crack ou wiiide open.
Alt text: I am proud to be breaking into the well-respected ''Just Like My Cat'' and ''Putting Different Fruit on the Back of Apple Product'' genres of humor.
Johnny: You punks coulda just gone home, y'know.
Ollie: Folks're wit' my sis. Di'n't wanna bother 'em for a ride anyways.
Stephen: I didn't want MY parents t' know I got detention!
R.J.: We wouldn't ditch you, Johnny.
Stephen: Why don'tcha sleep over my house t'night? We can all watch—
Ollie/R.J.: LOTS OF MURDER ISLAND FOOOUR!!
Johnny: All right, things are lookin' up! I can't even remember WHY we had detention in the first place!
Johnny: THEM! THEM'S THE WHY!!
Stephen: Was that sunglasses teacher?!
Ollie: Somethin's up! Follow that car!!
Stephen: Shoot, we lost 'em! Which way d'we go!?
Johnny: All roads lead to Rome.
Johnny: But we ain't goin' to Rome.
Alt text: more like mr. speeder am i right
Alt text: CHOO CHOO
Spender: Doctor Zarei! This is unexpected. They're not wasting you on guard duty, are they?
Zarei: On, there isn't really a "they" for me... I'm here as a visitor. And you, Richard?
Spender: We're here to ride the Ghost Train, of course.
Zarei: ...I'm afraid that's not possible: the cars haven't been checked for stowaways. If you'd called ahead—
Spender: Worry not, the kids and I can sweep the train ourselves
Max: WELP, THAT'S MY LIMIT.
Zarei: ...If you say so.
Spender: I must say, I've no idea how you tamed such a formidable spirit.
Zarei: Ufufu... a girl has her ways.
Spender: ...You seduced the train?
Zarei: What? No.
Zarei: Do I not get an explanation as to why you need my vehicle?
Spender: In present company, that would be... unwise.
Spender: Come along, children.
Zarei: Ahh, wisdom. Always getting in the way of good sense.
Spender: If you value your position—
Zarei: Oh, can you fire me? I lose track of who's in charge of who out here in the boonies.
Spender: ...Always a pleasure, Doctor.
Alt text: a trained train
Spender: OK, clubsters! We need to make sure we're the only passengers. Any and all stowaway spirits get the boot.
Spender: We'll split into two groups.
Isabel: Let's paint 'em red.
Ed: All I got is black.
Isaac: We fight as one, brother!
Max: Literally just met you, dude.
Spender: Ed, you're with Isaac. Max, Isabel—with me.
Spender: Max is new, Isabel's old, it makes sense. You and Isaac should be better friends than you are anyways.
Ed: Noooo, he's a nerd.
Isaac: Just keep your eyes peeled for enemies.
Ed: Let 'em peel 'em themselves!
Max: Why do we have to ride this thing to meet your friend, anyways? Why couldn't we just drive there?
Spender: There's a barrier around Mayview that spectrals and spirits can't pass through.
Spender: THe Ghost Train is an exception. Its power warps anything it wants out of its way, including the barrier.
Max: Wait, but if I tried to leave Mayview in a normal vehicle—
Spender: Um, you'd be squished, I suppose.
Alt text: Forecast Octopus is my favorite metal gear antagonist
Max: THe barrier could've KILLED ME!! Why didn't you warn me earlier?!
Spender: There's lots of things that could kill you Max do you want I should list EVRY LETHAL DISEASE?!
Spender: ...I am so sorry.
Spender: ...it slipped my mind...
Max: It's fine.
Max: Why's there even a barrier around Mayview in the first place?
Spender: ...It was created with a spirit's power by a colleague of mine seom time ago.
Max: Um, that's not really the "why" I was looking for.
Isabel: He knows. You got whatch'll get.
Max: WHat if I was planning a trip?
SPender: Take the train out of town, drive from there.
Max: How am I supposed to explain that to my Dad?!
Isabel: I dunno, mine's a spectral and I've never really had to leave Mayview, so—
Isabel: Mr. Spender, let me—!
Spender: Isaac could share some excuses he's used, I'm sure, and I'll help if I'm able. You're just going to have to trust me when I say it's a necessary inconvenience.
Spender: Um... Now do you trust me?
Max: THAT'S NOT HOW TRUST FALLS WORK
Alt text: The person doing the catching part of the trust fall gains trust in their partner because they expect them to fall on them and then they do indeed fall on them.
Spender: Looks like we're moving. We must hurry; we'll have to resort to more drastic measures than tossing spirits overboard if our sweep lasts past the barrier.
Isabel: Oh look my shoe's untied what is this treachery
Max: Oh! Mr. Spender, a... a friend wanted me to ask—Can ghosts use tools?
Spender: Technically, yes... but practically, no, they cannot use a spirit's power as we do.
Spender: Spectral energy is immaterial matter in its loosest form. It's for this reason that spirits are able to rebuild their damaged bodies by absorbing it.
Spender: We are flesh and specter in one body. Devour our energy, and flesh remains; we live on to produce more energy.
Spender: WHen a tool forms a link with a ghost, there is nothing to stop its body from being broken down into energy and absorbed.
Spender: Er, was that too confusing? Think of it like this:
Spender: Spirits are creatures that eat yarn...
Spender: And spectrals are people in sweaters Um, regenerating sweaters.
Spender: Well, I guess you can't "take the sweater off," so they're more like people with yarn... body hair?
Spender: And ghosts are people made of all yarn. Which, um, also regenerates, just not as fast as spirits can eat it.
Spender: And spirits would also be made of yarn, actually.
Spender: ...in this metaphor.
Spender: What I'm trying to say is... ghosts... absorption is their most common fate. It's how most tools heal, eating ghosts and small spirits. Symbiosis with a spectral is a rare luxury. The mental connection, for ghosts, it's a lure, it's—
Spender: ...Ghosts are... fickle beings, Max. They're not just floating people.
Spender: They're absorbed, they fad, they—
Spender: ...don't stick around for too long.
Alt text: that was quite the yarn
Spender: Behind me, children...
Vile Spirit: (cursed words) THE SUNGLASSES SPECTRAL WE CAN USE HIM
Vile Spirit: (cursed words) I WILL GO KILL THE CHILDREN
Spender: W-what foul language is this!?
Isabel: We-we just passed the barrier!
Vile Spirit: Yip!!
Spender: Blast! Can't let it escape!
Spender: Stay put, kids! I'll be back before the train reaches its destination!
Alt text: So either Spender doesn't understand the dogs' language or he does and they're just swearing like crazy
Forge: (high spirit) TOO SMALL.
Ghost Train: BARROOOOOOO
Forge: (high spirit) THE GHOST TRAIN!?
Forge: (high spirit) ALL THE METAL I NEED...
Forge: (high spirit) RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME...
Forge: (high spirit) A CRUEL TEMPTATION.
Forge: (high spirit) MISTAKE.
Alt text: Sorry, I can't have english alt text if I want to have the whole page be in my made-up languWAIT SHOOT
Spender: This creature bows at your feet...?
Spender: ...I will have you explain yourself.
Spender: ...Your silence implicates you, spirit. Do you, too, speak in Cursed Words?
Spender: I've read your kind learns a single word of the tongue for each foul crime the commit...
Spender: ...and those beasts were fluent!!
Spender: What were they doing on the train?! In my town!? Explain yourself!!
Forge: (high spirit) TONIGHT, THEN? I SUPPOSE THAT'S FAIR.
Forge: (high spirit) WELL...
Forge: (high spirit) ONE LAST GAMBIT CAN'T HURT.
Spender: That language!
Alt text: That's right, everybody. The real reason you couldn't read skulls language is because you haven't done enough crimes.
Isabel: It's not all true, y'know.
Isabel: The stuff Mr. Spender said.
Isabel: About ghosts. Sometimes they can use tools. And last for a really long time.
Alt text: Well this is awkward, I was trying to grab the train and escape, not scrape the whole side off. I am so sorry.
Forge: CHASE YOUR RUNAWAY TRAIN...
Forge: OR STAY, FIGHT, AND RISK BEING STRANDED OUTSIDE—
Spender: N-no, the kids!!
Forge: (high spirit) ...KI...DS...?
Forge: ...CHOOSE, SPECTRAL.
Forge: HMPH. I SHOULD CRACK YOUR SKULL AND FIND WHAT PARASITE MAKES POWER SO PREDICTABLE.
Forge: TO THINK IT MUST BE BY YOUR HAND THAT I—
Forge: (high spirit) WHAT... IS THIS NONSENSE?!
Alt text: Panel three is more fun if you read the ellipses as Os. OOO KIDS OOO sick taunts
Isabel: ...What was that and who do I have to punish for it.
Forge: W-WE'VE BEEN HAD...!!
Forge: SPECTRAL, BEHIND YOU!!
Spender: Aha! I won't fall for THAT a sixth time!
Vile Spirit: ...
Forge: FINE THEN, STEP ASIDE!!
Alt text: In Spender's defense, one of those was a "Whatever you do, DON'T look behind you" which is really tricky
Isabel: Max, MOVE!
Forge: (high spirit) ...WEAPONIZED SPECTRAL ENERGY?
Forge: (high spirit) WHAT FOOL'S IDEA WAS THIS?
Spender: My master is no fool. Nor am I; for one, I know a fair bit about your tonngue. High Spirit, yes?
Spender: Understanding it's one matter, but to speak it, as you do, I've heard a spirit must have lived for over a century...
Spender: Pity. I hate damaging antiques.
Forge: (partially in high spirit) I'm not damaged.
Spender: YEAH, WELL—
Forge: (partially in high spirit) ...Do you have time to be playing around, spectral?
Alt text: If you wanna scare someone during a fight, just tell them you know a fair bit about their tongue. It's pink. Fleshy. Helps them chew. They'll freak.
Max: W-why is your lack of an unsettling battle grin so unsettling?
Isabel: Spender acted weird. Not normal spirits.
Isabel: Plus they're functionally flipping immortal.
Max: Th-that's a hypothesis.
Isabel: And I'm not great with dogs.
Max: These are dogs? Aren't they cats? Pointy ears, multiple lives...
Vile Spirits: ...
Vile Spirit: WOOF
Vile SPirit: MEOW
Isabel: ...They're trying to psych us out.
Vile Spirit: (cursed words) WOOF
Vile Spirit: (cursed words) MEOW
Isabel: THEY'RE TRYING TO PSYCH US OUT!!
Max: ARGUABLY NOT DOGS THOUGH
Forge: (What are you trying to accomplish...)
Forge: (...by holding back!!?!)
Forge: (Still tossing light? You already know it won't work.)
Spender: Sorry. You just give me so much to work with.
Forge: (Weak materials make for weak weapons. Spectral energy and stolen light won't pierce my armor.)
Forge: (This is the part whre you unleash your true strength.)
Spender: Well drat. It's no fun if you're not surpised.
Spender: Prepare yourself.
Forge: (I've been prepared.)
Alt text: Forge has watched enough anime to know that a fight that starts one-sided spells bad news for the stronger guy.
Spender: How're you holding up, Lucifer?
Lucifer: WIth... alL... DEServED COurtesy, yoUNG MAster...
Lucifer: w-WORry abOUT YOur own blaSTED BATtles...!
Lucifer: OR BEtter yet, don'T WORRy at all, aND MAKE MY JOb a lot eaSIER!!
Spender: Sorry, but I'm afraid it's going to get harder first.
Lucifer: SPIRit Fusion wILL MAKE MY JOb impOSSIBLE, ANd speed wON'T AID IN DEFeating this—
Spender: That's not it, don't worry. W're going to make the other guy do a little more to earn his keep.
SPender: I'm just in here for a little breather... and for this:
Alt text: Oh hey satan
Forge: (high spirit) OOF!
Alt text: As-Seen-In-Panel-Four Disco Spender action figure to be first paranatural merch
Spender: It's over!!
Forge: (cursed words) (untranslatable; first word of first page of chapter zero)
Alt text: That's Cursed Words for ''nerd''
Forge: (Is that all?)
Forge: (IS THAT ALLL?!)
Forge: (THAT was your finishing blow?!)
Forge: (I was told that fighting you meant certain destruction!)
Spender: ...H-heh. Who t-told you that?
Forge: (I was told that you defeated the strongest spirit!)
Spender: ...Who told you that?
Alt text: Look. Any spectral can wear sunglasses. You can't just go around embracing death every single time you see a dude in shades.
Forge: ("He's gambling," I thought,)
Forge: ("on being able to end me in time to save the train.")
Forge: ("The strong are always pushing their luck... betting others' lives.")
Forge: (But, I was wrong. You are weak.)
Forge: (You gave up the train. Chose to stay and fight, not even sure you'd win.)
Forge: (...You yelled out "kids." Who was on the train?)
Spender: M-my students
Forge: (I see. I've put them in danger. I did not know there were kids.)
Forge: (What's your excuse?)
Spender: ...How dare you.
Alt text: *derails train full of children* why didn't you save them *kicks a dog* you should have helped him *lights you on fire* you're a terrible person
Forge: (But you do have one, don't you? An excuse?)
Forge: (You're like me. For you, good is a rational act.)
Forge: It's rules, it's calculations, it's your choices plugged in a grand equation, added up, up into evil's vanquished. Ideals upheld. Civilizations saved.
Forge: (How the worth of a few lives pales before such greater goods! What is three, two lives, one life weighed agains the world?!)
Forge: (The world is nothing! Nothing!! Why couldn't we see this, you and I?!
Forge: (We burn the present for the sake of a brighter future and act surprised when all it holds is ash!!)
Forge: No, if our minds decide the sum of small evils is a greater good, then it is our hearts that are rational.
Forge: (Tell me, how did your mind silence your heart? What is your reason for choosing to stay and fight me?)
Forge: (What is your excuse?)
Alt text: ''wow i thought i was the one with light powers but here you are projecting on me''
Spender: Please. Did your heart tell you to scrape open the length of the Ghost Train?
Spender: It seems to me a bit more calculation then would've prevented the mistake you're so desperate to make my responsibility.
Spender: But I suppose you were too focused on the immediate good of... what, mangling a spirit? Escaping from me?
Spender: You're selfish.
Spender: You don't care about the future, you just want to feel good about your actions in the present.
Spender: Well, that's not who I am.
Spender: Mayview is my greater good. It's every person I love and have loved plus ten thousand more, and protecting its future is my purpose.
Spender: Everything else is secondary.
Forge: ("Mayview" is on that train right now, fool.)
Spender: My students can take care of themselves! You don't know anything.
Spender: Something terrible happened in this town and it's going to happen again. You and those dogs are pieces in the puzzle I need to solve to save it.
Spender: I like my hands clean, but if reality insists, I won't let shortsighted morality trump practical solutions.
Isabel: There's something wrong with the train.
Max: WHAT NO WAY
Alt text: Don't worry, if I do anything too bad I've pre-arranged to get beat up by an old man
Max: P-pull me up already!!
Isabel: Rrrgh!! I... can't...!
Isabel: You've got a big dumb magnet in a big metal box, Max, figure something out!
Max: Oh good poii
Isabel: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!/
Max: I'M SORRY, it aims weird! Hold on, I'll—
Isabel: OK, plan B.
Isabel: The way I see it, it's 2 vs. 3: us vs. dogs plus gravity. We make gravity work for us, and we'll outnumer the enemy 3 to 2.
Max: Your logic is unclear and unsound!
Isabel: We attack from above, drop into range of my book, and then I'll break our fall and defenestrate these freaks with paper. Good plan right?
Max: WHAT. ISABEL. NO. I CAN'T, NO WAY.
Isabel: Never say never, Max.
Max: I LITERALLY DIDN'T
Alt text: but don't you think we should discuss the ethics of this plan for a few pages first
Isabel: Roll with it, dynamic tactics, let's go!
Isabel: It's your stop, ya mutts!
Alt text: Time to TRAIN some DOGSno nevermind that's nothing
Isabel: Get off me, dude!
Max: Umm, get out from underneath me, how about?
Isabel: My book—
Alt text: Spirit urination not yet canon.
Eightfold: Heya, Isabel! Don't move just yet, OK? It's hard to keep you in here if you move too much.
Isabel: Eighfold! Why'd you—
Eightfold: SHHhhh, no yelling in a library, that's a crime!
Eightfold: But hey, I'm impressed!
Eightfold: We're almost 20 feet apart, and we can still link up like this!
Eightfold: To even just use their powers, most spectrals need to practically be touching the object their spirit partner's in.
Eightfold: I read that in a book.
Eightfold: ...slash obtained the knowledge by messily devouring its contents.
Eightfold: When it comes to connecting with spirits, I'd say you're a real prodigy, Isabel!
Isabel: Ha ha.
Eightfold: Say, Isabel.
Alt text: *touches ur mouth with my butt hand*
Eightfold: Will you tell me a stooooory?
Eightfold: NO WAIT STOP MOVING'S BAD!
Isabel: Well I'm gonna move, so brace yourself or whatever while I grab my book.
Eightfold: Nooo, trust me! We've got time! I'm setting up a Cool Thing
Eightfold: A little birdy told me you liked Cool Things.
Eightfold: And by little birdy I mean
Eightfold: My years of experience as your friend who loves you.
Isabel: ...What kind of story do you want to hea
Eightfold: The story of how
Eightfold: we became friends!!
Isabel: Whatever. ...You weirdo.
Isabel: It AAAALL started... when I met the first opponent... I couldn't defeat...
Alt text: As your BFF I am also aware of your intense dislike for Uncool Things
Isabel: A justifiably irate Doberman Pinscher!
Doberman Pinscher: (flashback) woof
Isabel: I'd been rampaging through the neighborhood with Ed, chasing spirits, jumping fences... I landed in someone's backyard... on its paw.
Isabel: It started barking... Ed took off running...
Isabel: But me, I put up my dukes... made a spectral energy... sword or something. I'd fought bigger, toothier things, even back then.
Isabel: it passed right through 'er, of course! All the powers I thought I had were as good as imaginary. I was just a dumb scared kid.
Isabel: That was my first time really getting hurt... needing stitches n' stuff.
Isabel: I was a real crybaby for a while after that, jumpy like. Couldn't make constructs good. The family dog alone would set me off wailing.
Isabel: (flashback) S-SELL HIM
Isabel: Grandpa must hates crybabies more than he hates using tools, 'cause I got the book then. Idea was I could do Spectral Fist stuff with paper, and, I guess, punch a dog if I wanted to...
Isabel: I suppose he meant it to be a temporary... security blanket... thing... but frankly there is no downside to blankets, they are cozy and paper's awesome and we're awesome. The End.
Alt text: uh then we became friends or whatever
Eightfold: ...that's not how we became friends. I wasn't even in that story.
Isabel: I... I said we're awesome, remember?
Eightfold: ...Some of your facts are off... And what about your parents? Or our first meeting? Or...
Eightfold: It's okay, this is pretty much what I was expecting.
Eightfold: For the story to have changed a bit... from the version I have in here.
Eightfold: This is news to you, but... I don't sense your senses when we're connected... I kinda sorta feel your feelings, too.
Eightfold: I think that's another special thing about you. Its certainly not a special thing about me.
Eightfold: Before, when the train tilted, you grabbed the new kid on impulse... let go of the floor. I could feel it, you weren't scared about what'd happen to you at all!... just what'd happen to him.
Eightfold: You're selfless by instinct, Isabel, a good person from second to second.
Eightfold: You have a really great heart and I love that so, so much!
Isabel: Cut that out, Eightfold, it's—
Alt text: butt
Eightfold: ...I was falling too.
Eightfold: I don't think it was the wrong decision, helping Max then... but...
Eightfold: ...I could feel that you weren't scared for me, like you were for him... as a friend in danger.
Eightfold: I was just a book.
Isabel: H-huh? Don't be stupid, Eightfold. I—
Eightfold: Hee hee. "My book!" you yelled. When I went out the train.
Eightfold: It's okay. You're mad 'cause you know you really do care about me. It's just... "out of sight, out of mind," right?
Eightfold: ...Well, that's part of it.
Eightfold: A great heart is... well, it's great! Being good by nature is great.
Eightfold: But there's no such thing as a pure heart. Not really.
Eightfold: All these books in here, I've eaten. Learned the words inside. Some of them I... wish I hadn't learned.
Eightfold: But I can't not be the spirit that has learned all this stuff, y'know? No matter how I feel about it.
Eightfold: Which means I gotta be careful trusting my gut, 'cause my gut is a vast phantasmal library full of dark tomes!
Eightfold: The heart's the same way. It gets dirty. Things you pick up, things you're taught... they stick to it.
Eightfold: An' there's no flutter or feelin' that isn't filtered through all that stuff.
Eightfold: Having the instinct to help people is wonderful, but...
Eightfold: ...if you've... learned to believe that someone's less than people...
Eightfold: that can only go so far.
Alt text: Some of them I... wish I hadn't learned. You know, *glances left and right nervously* ...SWEAR WORDS.
Isabel: I don't get it.
Isabel: ...What are you saying?
Eightfold: They're just some words to chew on. It's OK if you didn't get anything from them just yet. That's OK.
Eightfold: But! I didn't pull you in here to talk your ear off!
Eightfold: Well actually I did, but it was a means to an end.
Eightfold: You would've left the new kid wide open for a possible coup de grace, silly.
Eightfold: Buddies don't just pass up prone goodies!
Eightfold: First thing when yer outta here is help Max out, 'Kay?
Isabel: ...What about you?
Eightfold Sorry, Isabel.
Alt text: *eightfold pulls out gun*
Eightfold: I really couldn't have kept our connection up if you'd taken even a single step... or tried to use my powers.
Eightfold: Your gesticulations alone vastly depleted its stability.
Isabel: What are—
Eightfold: Unfortunately, saving me wasn't an option this time.
Eightfold: And since you heart's too big to accept that in lieu of some have-and-eat-cake heroic save-both-friends plan...
Eightfold: I had to remove the choice entirely... make sure you didn't walk away from this empty-handed. To that end...
Eightfold: I've been staaaaaallllling you~
Eightfold: In a few moments, my book will have slipped out of your prodigious range and into a very, very inconvenient location.
Eightfold: Because of that, I'm afraid this is goodbye for good! It's sad, but...
Eightfold: ...like I said before, I don't think saving Max was a bad decision... so, as your friend, I'm happy to support that choice.
Eightfold: What do you think, Isabel? Would you say this counts...
Eightfold: ...as a Cool Thing?
Eightfold: See ya later...
Isabel: Wait, d
Alt text: and by later i mean never
Eightfold: Huh? O-oh, do I have a few more seconds?
Eightfold: Um, um, what else should I say!
Eightfold: Oh no, I'm—
Eightfold: Um! L-l-let me think!
Eightfold: Y-Y-YOU GEB DOO DECIDED wHAD—
Eightfold: Would you PSSHNORRKK!
Eightfold: You get to decide *sniff* what this means for your story, OK? Question others' bogus Isabel narratives.
Eightfold: You didn't lose a security blanket. You don't need to get tougher or stronger.
Isabel: Would you please—
Eightfold: Also d-don't hit your next spirit partner, OK? And there should be a next spirit partner.
Isabel: Please just—
Eightfold: A-and stop sharing your toothbrush with like six other people because seriously what the heck
Isabel: Sh-shut up for a second Eightfold!
Eightfold: I-I've been rambling, I'm so sorry, you—
Eightfold: W-what did you want to say?
Eightfold: I feel the sme wa
Alt text: :(:
Isabel: I gotchyour back—
Max: Uh, same.
Max: I've got yoru back.
Max: Or like
Max: your right side.
Alt text: what the heck isabel why didn't you watch his starboard
Alt text: Why isn't anyone watching their starboards???
Vile Spirit: YIP!
Alt text: ran out of chakra, smh
Alt text: You called it, folks. Everyone's favorite character, Large Subterranean Insect, swooped in and saved the day!
Isabel: RRGH! No no no NO!
Max: This is my first freaking MISSION!
Alt text: Remember, Snake, this is a freaking mission. Try not to get caught.
Alt text: let's talk about ethicsss
Max: Ha ha, you, uh got somethin' on yer face.
Max: please don't eat me
Max: ...R-right...f-firm hand...
Max: A-all right, you... junk snake... you... scrapdragon...
Max: OH! U-UM!
Alt text: REEEEEEEEEMIX
Alt text: maybe the 4 other maxes in that last panel... are evil clones.,, just a theory, nbd......
Max: Hey, mom—
Alt text: can i borrow some money
Mrs. Puckett: Heh?
Mrs. Puckett: Oh, it's Max. What's uh... what's up?
Max: The twins are goin' to the Hole Pit to skate aaan' they're gonna teach me how t'not fall and also do sick flips an' grinds can I go and can you go
Mrs. Puckett: Um... I really can't. I have a deadline and a demanding client.
Mrs. Puckett: Sorry.
Mrs. Puckett: Have you seen this piece, though?! It's like, the best thing I've ever made!!
Mrs. Puckett: Second to you.
Mrs. Puckett: And third to that thing over there with the spikes, 'cause hot dam
Mrs. Puckett: Right, um, so. I don't think... a responsible parent... would let a 7-year-old near a "Hole Pit"...
Mrs. Puckett: unsupervised.
Mrs. Puckett: And, uh
Mrs. Puckett: Neither would I.
Max: WHAT?! I can't go either?!
Alt text: Fourth to Zoey 'cause she's way cooler than you
Adult: I-I can watch him, so—if you don't mind...
Adult: I'll make sure they're not in danger, and—
Damien]: I'm gonna hurt your son, Mrs. Puckett.
Adult: D-DAMIEN!! A-apologize right now!
Damien: I'm sorry for what I'm gonna do to your son Mrs. Puckett.
Damien's sister: I should have absorbed you in the womb
Max: I'll be careful, Mom!
Max: I promise!!
Mrs. Puckett: ...Max, what do we say about promises?
Max: I know, but I really mean it this time!
Mrs. Puckett: ...
Mrs. Puckett: Here, I'll pay you.
Adult: N-NO, YOU CAN'T! THIS IS THE LEAST—THIS ISN'T ANYTHING
Damien's sister: I'll take it
Damien: Max, Max!
Mrs. Puckett: You're babysitting, this is babysitting! Here—
Adult: O-OH MY GOD
Mrs. Puckett: Have fun, Max! I'll come too next time, I promise!!
Max: H-huh?! Oh, OK!! I l
Boss Leader: Hey.
Alt text: popcorn can be as crunchy as you want... IN YOUR DREAMS...
Max: WHAT THE—WHO THE WHAT ARE YOU?! W-WHERE THE WHY AM I?!
Boss Leader: You died.
Boss Leader: A JOKE! Ha ha, no, no, you are merely asleep! Or like, unconscious or something.
Boss Leader: Doesn't matter.
Boss Leader: What matters is that I, like, you, am what's known as a "spectral", and a "medium" for a spirit of dreams, whose powers I used to
Boss Leader: INVADE YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND
Boss Leader: and watch your dreams like a movie. You were in the area, metaphysically speaking, so—
Max: Y-YOU SAW MY DREAMS?!
Boss Leader: Oh, no actually, I just got here.
Boss Leader: I didn't really see anything.
Boss Leader: The popcorn was a
Boss Leader: was a gag.
Boss Leader: A visual gag.
Boss Leader: Why, were you dreaming about something embarrasing?
Max: WHAT. NO. I CAN'T REMEMBER. WHO ARE YOU?!
Alt text: Spirit of Dreams = tentative title of my extremely inspirational autobiography
Boss Leader: I am Boss Leader, current reigning boss AND leader of the Paranatural Activity Consortium.
Boss Leader: We're an organization of several hundred individuals who, like you, can see ghosts and spirits.
Boss Leader: Together, we help keep the supernatural SUPER!™
Max: You're the guys Mr. Spender works for...!
Max: The people at the train... the group in weird suits Isaac didn't know the name of...!
Boss Leader: Oh! You know Rick?
Boss Leader: You think our suits are weird??
Max: The tuxedo footie pajamas? Uh, yeah.
Boss Leader: Listen. Our agents need formal work attire they can sleep in on the go.
Boss Leader: They mingle, study, and receive orders in a shared dream hub and execute those orders in a cruel reality unkind to non-suit-wearing bozos what don't wear suits. Our pajamas are a practical and elegant tool of the trade.
Person: NO SUIT
Person: NO SUIT
Boss Leader: PFFFFT
Boss Leader: Hahahahahaha they actually WEAR them hahahaha
Max: YOU'RE WEARING IT TOO!!
Boss Leader: Psh, yeah, ironically. I make everyone else wear it as a jo—
Alt text: as a jork
Boss Leader: This is your spirit? What is it possessing? What powers does it grant you?
Max: M-my bat... M-magnets... It-it pulls in metal.
Max: Pushes it too, I... I guess.
Boss Leader: Hm. Metal... baseball? Sports magnets...?
Boss Leader: You're not very thematically coherent.
Max: So what
Boss Leader: If you'd like, I can destroy i right here and now. Your spirit.
Boss Leader: H-huh?!
Boss Leader: It's large, aggressive... too animal to reason with... not something a child should handle, I'd say.
Boss Leader: It's a grudge.
Max: A... a what?
Boss Leader: The thing's beefed up on fear and rage. This isn't its normal form.
Boss Leader: It might be safest to put it down now... before it hurts you.
Alt text: max isn't even listening he's just staring at the grudge sign
Boss Leader: The creature you see in your spirit world is a mental projection. Its true form is here, a parasitic wisp feeding off your energy.
Boss Leader: So long as it's connected to you, I can access and destroy it here in your subconscious mind. You need only say the word.
Max: ...No... thanks. If I'm in danger, I can just throw the bat away.
Max: Plus maybe this thing'll show some gratitude and not murder me either.
Boss Leader: Oh ho ho. This mind is logical.
Boss Leader: Are you quite certain? You're not stuck with the powers you have, you know. We could find you something better.
Boss Leader: The power to mow lawns really fast.
Boss Leader: Spyromancy.
Boss Leader: Graydar.
Boss Leader: The power to not have or respect magnet powers.
Max: I'm... good, thanks.
Boss Leader: What's your name, child?
Max: Uh. Maxwell... Puckett.
Boss Leader: Welcome to the Consortium, Max.
Max: What. OK.
Max: ...Was that a test?
Boss Leader: Of sorts! There was no wrong answer, though
Alt text: Graydar is the ability to detect gray things at a distance and Spyromancy is complete control over the 1998 video game Spyro The Dragon and all of its sequels
Boss Leader: You are with Rick, then? In that—his little project, the "club"?
Boss Leader: With Francisco's granddaughter and the Burger child.
Max: Who? The what?
Boss Leader: The blonde boy. Edward. His surname is Burger.
Max: I was gonna say.
Max: "Who do I have to usurp to inherit that title?"
Boss Leader: I wish I could claim to be surprised... that Rick didn't tell me about you.
Boss Leader: I suspect he withholds information out of mere habit, at this point.
Boss Leader: I have great affection for the boy, but here's been up to something worrisome behind that barrier since puberty.
Boss Leader: ...
Boss Leader: Um
Boss Leader: No correlation.
Max: I WAS GONNA SAY
Boss Leader: For now, I... can still choose to believe... that he believes... his machinations serve the greater good. But... I'd rather make that call myself.
Boss Leader: You understand, yes?
Max: ...I... comprehend... I guess...
Boss Leader: A separate, tangentially supernatural organization, the Cousinhood of Man, came to us recently raving about danger in Mayview.
Boss Leader: They're concerned a specimen of their dwindling prey could hid there, beyond their reach. A "hunch" from one of their "top operatives". Ha
Boss Leader: It's paranoia, an inconceivable fantasy. There are barriers in the town's stack for that sort of creature, AND for Cousinhood dogs. I won't let them meddle in our affairs anymore.
Boss Leader: A certain agent of mine disagrees, in a sense. She has almost as much unfinished business in Mayview as... well, anyone else.
Boss Leader: This agent thinks the Coousinhood's fears may at least be a useful angle to interpret one part of a laundry of unsolved mysteries she inherited from her first mentor. I don't agree, but...
Boss Leader: I respect her wisdom very much, despite her youth, and I am nothing if not cautious... so I sent her to Mayview under the pretext of investigating the Cousinhood's claims.
Boss Leader: In reality, her mission has much wider breadth than sleepy town monster hunting. Other agents have failed to return when sent to pursue just one of the numerous objectives she's been given.
Boss Leader: Truly, we've asked too much of her. But then, I suppose I never asked at all. This was her mission, and I've finally stopped holding her back. Perhaps... that will make all the difference
Max: Wow, I
Max: didn't understand like anything you just said.
Boss Leader: Ufufu
Alt text: or like why you made a dumb galaxy or whatever
Boss Leader: I'm asking for your cooperation, child.
Boss Leader: Rick's activities need to be brought to light. The boy may yet have good intentions, but he still needs peer review.
Boss Leader: The agent I've sent to Mayview isn't Rick's enemy.
Boss Leader: The other children might not understand this, but you, at least, have no reason to forsake logic for loyalty. She'll need you help, Max.
Max: Aren't you overlooking a better candidate?
Max: Do be your spy, I mean.
Max: What about Isaac? He'd snitch to your goon in a heartbeat.
Max: Dude's got a grudge.
Max: and I'm not talkin' about
Max: the kind that is a large snake
Boss Leader: The medium Isaac O'Connor is restricted from all information to the Activity Consortium and its activities.
Max: Just Consortium info? 'Cause—
Boss Leader: I can't account for the obstruction for the obstruction of unrelated date by the circuitous teaching style of Richard Darkstorme Spender
Boss Leader: I have no idea what his real middle name is so I just made one up.
Boss Leader: See? So many secrets!
Max: But you can account for everything else.
Alt text: Goon, goon, snitch to my goon, snitch to my goon my dar-ling~
Boss Leader: The circumstances of his blacklisting are classified, but know that the decision was made with noble intentions.
Max: Should I just take your word on that? Are you sure you don't need peer review?
Boss Leader: ...Look, kid, my first name is Boss and my last name is Leader.
Boss Leader: Rules only apply to me when they're looking for JOBS
Boss Leader: 'Cause I MAKE or BREAK the rules.
Boss Leader: SON.
Boss Leader: No but yes I have great empathy for Mr. O'Connor. His situation is regrettable.
Max: ...So what's to stop me from spilling the beans to him or Spender just as soon as I'm out of here?
Boss Leader: This is a dream, child. I need but will it, and you won't remember a thing when you wake.
Boss Leader: But it need not come to that.
Boss Leader: The internal investigation of Richard Nightfox Spender is just one part of my agent's mission in Mayview, but it is still absolutely crucial to her success.
Boss Leader: Will you promise to at least keep an open mind about assisting her with this task?
Max: No, I won't.
Max: I don't do promises.
Max: Nothing good comes of 'em. Only ever bad stuff.
Alt text: boss leader noticed you
Max: Promises don't mean you'll do a thing. They just mean you'll hurt whoever you made 'em with more when you don't.
Boss Leader: Gosh, don't not do what I want you to do on MY account.
Max: I just meant like in general!
Max: The reason I'm not gonna promise to spy for you is that I have no reason to spy for you.
Max: ...What are you looking at?
Boss Leader: Probably nothing.
Boss Leader: Logically something.
Boss Leader: Possibly anything.
Boss Leader: You can never know with animal instinct.
Boss Leader: Well! With any luck my agent will give you the reason you need.
Boss Leader: She IS very good at winning people over.
Boss Leader: Thought there's no reason I can't try too!
Boss Leader: Mayhaps perhaps a briiiiiibe?
Max: I DON'T WANT THAT. I DON'T WANT YOUR SUITSIE.
Boss Leader: And if I said "buttflap option"—
Max: I'D WAKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT!
Boss Leader: Well GOOD! You've been in here too long anyways!
Alt text: Boss Leader is lookin' out for you non-archive diving readers
Boss Leader: And by too long I mean around five seconds.
Boss Leader: MY control of this dream includes its perceived duration. In here, I can stretch a moment into a millennium... make anything I want...
Max: Your power's OP and you're super wasting it.
Max: Why do you boss lead the ghost cops of instead of Narnia or whatever.
Boss Leader: Oh ho ho. A fictional kingdom? It's a temptation, but I...
Boss Leader: suppose I like real people...
Boss Leader: just a bit too much for that...
Max: Whoa what I was kidding.
Max: Can you actually make Narnia
Max: Don't though make something better
Boss Leader: ...I hope I haven't put you in danger.
Max: One doesn't normally lose consciousness on a meet-and-greet mission.
Boss Leader: When I asked Rick to take you kids on Mina's train, I didn't intend to lead you to harm.
Boss Leader: I always mean well, truly—Towards you, Rick, everyone.
Boss Leader: But I know... inhuman choices... can be made with the best—
Max: It's fine.
Max: I just dozed off on the ride over is all.
Boss Leader: ...Thank you, Max. That's very kind of you.
Alt text: maxandbossleadergivingaslansacrilegiousnoogies.gif
Max: I'm stuck?
Max: What the
Max: what the heck
Max: M-magnets? But I'm not...
Ghost Train: KA KOOM!
Alt text: *puts chin in hands and waits for people to yell escape advice at the screen*
Vile Spirit: (cursed words) I
Vile Spirit: (cursed words) WIN
Isabel: You fell for the basic-est bluff in the book!
Isabel: All I need...
Isabel: to beat you...
Isabel: Is me!!
Alt text: the basic-est bluff in isabel's literal book about human vs. dog combat
Isabel: Isabel edition!
Isabel: Ha! Infinite death loop! I knew it!
Isabel: This one's for
Isabel: And this one's for
Alt text: Infinite Death Loop is the name of my trance/screamcore hybrid experimental band
Isaac: MRGHH MY FOOT
Ed: Izzy! Isaac tried to kick down a sliding door to make a dramatic entrance and I am loving life right now!
Ed: Are you OK?!
Isabel: Ed! Eightfold asked me to help Max and I let them b—
Alt text: ''And we went through like 30 of these doors on the way here so Isaac really has no excuse''
Spender: Ha ha, right in the ego! It really has—rrk—been a blow to lose so badly to a spirit of fire.
Spender: All this light and I—gahh—can't put a dent in you.
Spender: I was even mentored by a pyrokinetic spectral for a time. Ha ha, but I am a shameful sight!
Forge: (No human can compare to me, even with borrowed spirit power.)
Forge: (...I don't know why I ever gave credence to your reputed strength, sunglasses spectral.)
Forge: Now, see, neither do I. I didn't know I was reputed to be anything other than a humble gentleman-scholar,
Spender: (high spirit) ARMORED SPIRIT.
Forge: (Your accent is horrific.)
Spender: Well? I'm at your mercy! What does your heart tell you to do now? You rambling brute.
Forge: (My heart broke a long time ago.)
Alt text: You're 100 years too early to be speaking MY language!! Literally you need to have been alive for a century to speak the language. And also have been a spirit that whole time.
Forge: (You suffer, and I feel nothing.
Forge: This broken heart cannot know pity.)
Forge: (Foul deeds, alas, have burnt it black, and now my flame burns cold.)
Spender: NO IT DOESN'T
Forge: (Hollow anger, hollow guilt... my own philosophies ring hollow in my ears.
Forge: Without feeling, only thought restrains me, and the bars of law and logic form a brittle cage indeed.)
Forge: (And so I've returned to this town.)
Spender: R... returned...?
Forge: (My contact here has told me of his master: an angel of life and beauty, pure and whole.
Forge: I can no longer follow my heart... but I can follow hers.)
Forge: (They say great power sleeps in Mayview.)
Forge: (I will use my strength to seize it. For her.)
Forge: (If she is as worthy as her servant says, I will be for her a sword and shield unbreakable
Forge: and these flames will forge a just god for this unjust world!)
Spender: Ha! Ha ha! You fool, you fool!
Alt text: that feel when no feels
Forge: (And then, from her, this god, I will exact my payment earned. She will give me that which I desire most.)
Spender: no room
Spender: for "gods"
Spender: in my town
Spender: nor for their misinformed mercenaries!
Spender: GEK... RRK!
Spender: Haa... Haa...
Spender: I am a medium for an extremely dangerous spirit! If you kill me, it will be released, and there's no telling what will happen then!
Forge: (I have a job to do.)
Forge: (As do you.)
Forge: (Go help your students.)
Alt text: You KNOW you're really shutting someone down when you get to work the word ''nor'' into your cool line
Lucifer: CIRcumstANCES necESSITAte yOU CALm youR FOOL heAD, PUpil.
Lucifer: I CANnot woRK IN thIS ENVironment.
Lucifer: NOT After narroWLY withsTANDING TORture aND YOUR EXCessive utiliZATION of.... my........
Lucifer: WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Forge: (high spirit) WHA—
Alt text: mr. spender's canon belly button
Spender: You're right.
Spender: IN the grand scheme of things, I'm not that strong
Spender: but I do seem to have a knack for cheap shots—
Spender: Careful! If fire's light should chase away this shadow, your lower half leaves with it!
Spender: You consort with foul beasts and utter their foul language.
Spender: You attacked the train, burned my flesh, and endangered my sutdents.
Spender: All your hand-wringing can only spread the red around.
Spender: You're evil, and I'm putting you down!
Forge: (I am FORGE.
Forge: Y-you are not worthy of destroying me.)
Spender: I get that a lot.
Alt text: Heh. Lots of people are disappointed to have lost to someone so pathetic. Heh.
Forge: (Perhaps there is justice...
Forge: in an unjust end...)
Forge: (I... I am ready.)
Lucifer: RRRghh! Our guEST WAS momENTS FROM ESCAping!! CONFound it, boy, thIS KIND of rash bEHAVIOr will—
Alt text: ''It looks like he's buried in hay'' -my little brother, re: the last panel, keeping me humble
Alt text: Isaac literally seconds away from breaking into Naruto run
Day: Heyy! Are you okay??
Alt text: ~*~*~ ( o () o | o () o | o () o | o () o ( O)3( ..=` _> =..) ~*~*~
Max: No I am not
Day: Oh! Please don't fall in love with me!
Max: WHAT. I'm N—I DIDN'T.
Max: I DIDN'T!!!
Max: WHY SHOULD YOU CARE IF I DID?!
Max: BUT I DIDN'T!!
Day: Ah, hee hee! It can't help it!
Day: When I heard your scream, I blindfired a Love Arrow and struck lucky on that
Day: ...large, sentient train...
Day: and it fell in love with the first thing it saw! So, you!
Day: Now it won't hurt you and it won't let anyone else hurt you.
Max: How are you making your words sound red like that
Alt text: But that doesn't mean... it can't be hurt BY you... ;_; </3
Isabel: YOU'RE ALIVE
Max: YES. ARE WE HUGGING?
Isabel: AND NOT DEAD
Max: AREN'T YOU TOUGH?
Max: SHOULDN'T YOU NOT DO HUGS
Isabel: This is a tough hug.
Max: No you're not squeezing hard and that's worse somehow
Isabel: How's this
Max: AAH WORSE
Isabel: But you just said—
Isabel: Look, I'm adjusting for your comfort here
Max: CAN YOU PLEASE JUST
Max: ACT YOUR ARCHETYPE
Max: AND, LIKE, PUNCH ME IN THE ARM
Isabel: I mean, yeah
Max: I MEAN INSTEAD
Max: RETROACTIVELY INSTEAD
Spender/Lucifer: Is everyone ok?!
Alt text: ...with my new outfit?!
Spender/Lucifer: I heard a scream!!
Spender/Lucifer: Did someone get hurt?
Isabel: N-no! We're fine!
Max: I guess. Thanks to Isabel, a giant bug, and her over there.
Spender/Lucifer: Agent Day! Well met, well met! Welcome to Mayview!
Isabel: We're not in Mayview.
Max: Yeah welcome to the woods haha
Spender/Lucifer: Why, the last time I saw you, you were this big!
Spender/Lucifer: What was that, 6 months ago?
Day: Yes, that time with the shrink ray
Day: But, um...
Day: It's a true pleasure to finally meet you, Agent Spender.
Spender/Lucifer: Hm?... How do you mean...?
Max: Yeah how is it a pleasure
Spender/Lucifer: We've been... introduced previously, yes?
Spender/Lucifer: Oh! These are my stude—
Alt text: My studes. My dudents. We're tight, they respect me AND my weird chest hole.
Alt text: thank goodness spender was able to use his powers to turn the shadow thing into toilet paper, a much less dangerous substance
Spender: Is it sealed?
Day: C-could someone tell me what just happened?
Day: I'm blind. I can hardly see anything, in low light especially. What was that flash? Is what sealed??
Spender: ...confidence in my students... as... performers?
Spender: that's what you heard
Spender: (imaginary) N-no!
Spender: (imaginary) No!
Isaac: (imaginary) AAH!
Spender: (imaginary) KIDS!
Spender: (imaginary) HAAA!
Spender: W-what did you think of our welcoming show?
Day: Well, for most of it, I was on the ground
Day: and also blind.
Spender: R-right, er... here—
Day: ...I can't see whatever you're showing me.
Alt text: i'm showing you my cool hand
Isaac: Are you guys OK?
Max: Looks like it. Dunno what made the train go wild like that, though.
Max: What were things like on you guys' end?
Emerald: YOU MAY HAVE DEFEATED MY TEN LIEUTENANTS BUT CAN YOU DEFAT... ONE YOURSELVES...?!
Fake Isaac: Heh... it's funny... with you, I *cough* almost felt like I could feel... feelings...
Hobo: Thank you, children. With General Emerald destroyed,
Hobo: I can finally diiiiiiieeeee
Ed: A ghost, all along.
Isaac: ...Standard fare, really.
Isaac: Who's that?
Max: ...She's the agent we came out here to meet.
Isaac: Not "friend?"
Max: Huh? Oh, uh, mm.
Ed: Hey, where's your book, Izzy?
Izzy: Ohh, yeah... I, uh, lost her. Ha ha
Spender: OK, kids! On the train!
Spender: It's time to go home.
Alt text: I would have included Isaac and Ed's adventures in full but that would have taken like 140 pages and nobody wants to read anything that long
Alt text: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S.........
Ollie: We're lost, bro.
Ollie: We're tired,
Ollie: My tiny feet hurt,
Ollie: I don't think we're even IN Mayview anymore,
Ollie: Stephen's been dissolvin' social constructs for the last two hours...
Stephen: Why do you cling so desperately to your symbols, brother?
Ollie: Let's just give up, yo.
Ollie: You really still think we gonna find those nerds??
Johnny: We have nothing to lose but lose itself.
Ollie: That doesn't even make—
Alt text: johnny
Johnny: WHAT WAS THAT?! WHAT THE PUNCH WAS THAT?!?
Ollie: What genre of story did we just walk into
Ollie: Oh my god
Ollie: Are we even important characters?
Stephen: THE GOVERNMEEEA
R.J.: Do you think they were all Wonder Women?
R.J.: invisible jets...
Johnny: PULL YOURSELF T'GETHER, R.J.!!
Johnny: EVERYBUDDY NEEDS TO CALM DOWN
Johnny: We just saw floating people. Somethin's not right goin' on an I'm fixin' to fix it, hear?
Johnny: Stack pact.
Johnny: No one you wouldn't Friendship Fuse with hears about this, 'kay?
Johnny: Us four're gonna get t'the bottoma this soon,
Johnny: but tonight,
Johnny: only thing we're gettin' to the bottom of is six bags of popcorn
Johnny: while we watch every R-rated movie Stephen owns.
Alt text: The real alt text was the friends you made along the way
Spender: There you go, watch your step kids
Ed: I don't have any
Zarei: Welcome back, Richard...
Zarei: My, do you look plucked and ruffled.
Spender: ...Jumped out of train.
SPender: Pursued, destroyed stowaway. Wouldn't have been issue if train hadn't left before we finished sweep.
Zarei: Oh dear. I only meant to rush the task—a little prank for keeping me in the dark. I didn't cause too much trouble, did I?
Spender: ...No, it's fine.
Spender: Doctor Zarei, this is Agent Day.
Spender: She's been sent to...
Spender: to investigate Cousinhood allegations
Spender: Of potential monster activity in Mayview.
Zarei: ...Charmed, I'm sure. I am myself mostly a guest here these days, but welcome to
Day: I AM!!
Day: CHARMED. YOU'RE MINA ZAREI.
Alt text: WORLD RENOWNED PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER
Day: I've heard so much about you—both of you—and about this town.
Day: I'm so pleased to be a part of your story.
Day: And... if I could help bring it to an end... it would mean the world. Truly.
Spender: is that a death threat
Day: HUH?? N-NO, I MEANT—
Max: ...So d'you think Spender really beat that dog spirit?
Isabel: Maybe. Maybe he thinks he did. Maybe he's just lying.
Max: Thanks dude that really narrows things down.
Isabel: Yeah well that's the best I can do.
Isabel: ...I've known him my whole life and still don't really know him, y'know?
Zarei: "Heard so much about me"?? I was under the impression I'd maintained a low profile.
Spender: As was I. For myself and for Mayview. Could BL have—
Zarei: What? You don't have to be cautious with me. Frankly, it's a little insulting you'd—
Spender: Please. That's not it.
Alt text: chest wound?! i HATE chest wounds!!
Zarei: You're injured.
Spender: Light scratches. Environmental damage. Enemy went down without a fight.
Zarei: What happened to the train?
Zarei: What's that? Come here, show me.
Zarei: 13, stop—
Zarei: What have you done?
13: I... it was attacking you.
Zarei: You just trapped us all inside Mayview
Alt text: Yes there is a very good chance first panel Spender made that shadow on his own face because he's a ham
Zarei: I'm telling you, there's no way around it.
Agent: I'm only s'pozzed t'be here for a week. Why can't th' boss drop the barrier an'—
13: There's GOT to be a workaround. A teleporting medium, or—
Spender: Pass the lantern through the barrier to a spectral with teal energy on the outside—or perhaps there is a student at—
Zarei: The train is wild only I can hope to control it.
Zarei: My energy is a close enough shade to use and heal it... slowly
Zarei: That will have to suffice until it's recovered.
Zarei: Meanwhile, we're marooned
Agent: You've got to be kiddin' me
Voice: I'm sure we can find accomodat
Isabel: I know you and the ghost train were very close, but—
Max: GET YOUR HAND OFF ME
Isabel: There will be other sentient vehicles, Max. Other trains on the tracks.
Max: Oh my god
Isabel: That's a nice bike, huh.
Max: OHHH MY GOD
Isabel: Haha, no, but seriously! Don't be so bummed.
Isabel: Mayview isn't the worst place in the world to be stuck in!
Voice: "Mission complete", it says it says.
Alt text: Isabel this is the second time this chapter you have ironically foreshadowed antagonist stuff and frankly you are starting to test my patience
Vile Spirit: (cursed words) THE SUNGLASSES SPECTRAL CERTAINLY DESTROYED HIM
Silhouette: It says that Rick Spender destroyed the fire spirit.
Silhouette: RICK?! Ahahaha that SUCKER.
Silhouette: Well GOOD. The last thing we needed was that brainiac Doorman getting some brawn.
Silhouette: Tell the mutt it lives to die another day.
Silhouette: We will return with more orders. For now, sit. Stay.
Silhouette: HA! Like it'd do what YOU tell it to.
Silhouette: Who is a good boy.
Silhouette: Who is a good boy?
Silhouette: You are not a good boy, but this is satisfactory to us.
Silhouette: It is satisfactory to us, that you are very evil.
Silhouette: Hurry UP, ya LUG.
Silhouette: We've got a circle of JERKS to report to.
Silhouette: ...If you will excuse me.
Vile Spirit: !!
Vile Spirit: ?
Vile Spirit: HISSSSSS
Vile Spirit: (cursed words) DIE WITH US BROTHER
Alt text: that's skulls for ''hey man what's up''
Spender: Lucifer, did I... do the right thing?
Spender: ...Good lord, if my parents could hear me now.
Lucifer: You dID NOt.
Lucifer: You asked FRANCISCO GUERRA, likely Mayview's tRUE strongest and a man of riGID PRINCIPLES, to judge and punish your future actions...
Lucifer: You engaged your foe in PUERILE BICKERING when the only requisite rebuttal was a bURST OF LIGHT in its open maw...
Lucifer: ...YOU DISObeyed my couNCIL and unLEASHED Our shared NIGHtmare on innocENTS YOU'D swoRN TO KEep safe.
Lucifer: GUILT. Rage. FeAR. Your emotiONS DISTRAct you... DiLUTE THe poteNCY OF youR PURPose...
Lucifer: THE Light mUST be FocuSED And UNYIEldinG.
Lucifer: TherE IS ONLY SAVing thE TOWn.
Lucifer: Nothing else.
Isabel: Telling him [?] ost my book won't be fun.
Isabel: If you could come in with
Spender: I'll see you tomorrow, Isabel.
Alt text: Ed not in wide shots before his appearance b/c he was slithering through the grass like a snake
Francisco: You're late.
Isabel: For what?
Francisco: For your bedtime.
Francisco: Why are you holding hands?
Francisco: Where's your book?
Francisco: ...Where's my book?
Isabel: I-I lost it
Francisco: That was no plaything, child. I yet had plans for that tool.
Francisco: It was not yours to lose.
Francisco: [?]urpassed the limits [?] of my patience.
Francisco: Not only was your poss[?] of the book fruitless in[?] sought, but you could [?]
Francisco: Well, fine. It's about time you graduated from rel[?] er of [?]
Francisco: I hope this has been [?]bling experience [?] lady.
Francisco: [?]ISTEN [?}en I'm [?] peaking to you!
Alt text: ''We only HOLD HANDS for the purpose of COOL MARTIAL ARTS THROWS. Shut our weird castle doors this instant.''
PJ: Mister Max! You are home!
PJ: How did your mission go?
PJ: Did you get a superhero weapon for me to—
PJ: Oh, oh! You are asleep.
PJ: I will talk to you tomorrow then, yes yes.
Alt text: good night Day
Guest Comic 1Edit
Isabel: I heard it in the science lab too...
Max: heard hwhat?
Isabel: oh hey Max—
Isabel: we could use another pair of ears.
Max: well you can't take mine.
Ed: no, no—
Ed: we need you to use your GHOST EAR—
Max: no, because, I don't think that's real.
Ed: ok but definitely listen for an otherwordly horror sound drifting through these nigh-empy afternoon halls, driving all who remain after school to the edge of battiness—which is something you would know abo
Max: I hear it...
Alt text: COOL WOLF'S
Guest Comic 2Edit
Ed: now you say, "don't quit your DAY jo
Day: I'm really glad I can't read this.
Alt text: can't believe he made day a planet instead of using ''sadder day'' and having her sobbing about puns
Guest Comic 3Edit
Max: Why do you boss lead the ghost cops instead of Narnia or whatever
Boss Leader: Oh ho ho.
Boss Leader: A fictional kingdom?
Boss Leader: It's a temptation, but I...
Boss Leader: suppose I like real people... just a bit too much for that.
Max: Whoa what
Max: Can you actually make Narnia
Boss Leader: ...
Max: Don't though make something better
Boss Leader: .......
Boss Leader: !!!!!!!!!!
Alt text: spender's canon fursona
Guest Comic 4Edit
Forge: (YOUR ACCENT IS HORRIFIC.)
Forge: (AND YOU ARE UGLY AND WEAK AND ALSO A DUMB NERD.)
Spender: He was...
Spender: So mean...
Spender: Come get some
Spender: You rambling brute.
Max: What is he doing?
Alt text: spender gets buff, picks fight with forge's severed torso
Guest Comic 5Edit
Isabel: "Tell me a story, Isabel."
Isabel: YOU SAW NOTHING
Alt text: never forget /;V;///