This is a transcribed copy of Paranatural: Chapter 1. Feel free to add to it, as long as the information comes directly from the comic.
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Alt text: Twelve- year-old Max moves into the picturesque town of Mayview and is plagued by strange visions and stranger people on his first day of school.
Page 1 Edit
Page 2 Edit
Mr. Puckett: What's this? Are you somehow surprised at this fact?
Zoey: Dad, you dropped a box.
Max: All you said was that we were moving to your old hometown. I heard nothing about living in a flipping 7/11!!
Mr. Puckett: Ah, but Max, it's been my life's dream to own a store like this one...
Zoey: You dropped another box. And you're in the middle of the street.)
Max: What!? Since when?
Zoey: Well I think it's kinda cool. My friends are gonna be jealous 'cause I'll be able to get candy and stuff whenever I want.
Max: Ha-ha. That's true Zoey.
Max: Oh, wait!
Max: WE MOVED. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS!!
Zoey: You tryin' to make me mad, Maxie-boy!?
Page 3 Edit
Mr. Puckett: Now, now you two. This is no time for fighting.
Mr. Puckett: BEHOLD!!
Mr. Puckett: You're in Mayview, the town on two hills with nothing but a pristine lake and friendly people in between!!
Max: ...Did you say "behold"?
Mr. Puckett: Don't ruin this for me, Max.
Page 4 Edit
Mr. Puckett: Honestly, Max. You're not supposed to be so cynical until you're at least thirteen. Act your age, kiddo.
Max: ...What was that about acting your age?
Mr. Puckett: Ha ha! Check it out, guys!!
Max: Check what out? I can't see anything.
Page 5 Edit
Mr. Puckett: TA-DA!
Max: It's all right, I guess.
Zoey: HWOAH!! I'm going 'splorin!
Zoey: Is that a CASH REGISTER!?
Max: Huh. Looks like all the shelves are empty.
Dad: Ah, wait! You dropped the boxes!
Max: DON'T TELL ME YOU FORGOT STORES ARE SUPPOSED TO SELL STUFF.
Mr. Puckett: Chillax, Max! Everything's being shipped in tomorrah!
Mr. Puckett: C'mon dude. I'll show you the upstairs.
Page 6 Edit
Mr. Puckett: You guys are gonna like the upstairs. It's way better than our old apartment.
Zoey: *GASP* DO I GET MY OWN ROOM!?
Max: ..Does it have padded walls?
Mr. Puckett: Not too shabby, huh?
Page 7 Edit
Zoey: Look like all our old stuff is here and unpacked.
Mr. Puckett: Yeah, the movers did all the heavy stuff for us.
Mr. Puckett: Your room's over at the end of the hallway, Max.
Max: Huh? Oh, OK.
Zoey: It's perfect!
Zoey: It's got EVERYTHING!
Mr. Puckett: Actually, Zoey, I think it needs one more thing.
Mr. Puckett: There.
Mr. Puckett: Now the whole family's here.
Page 8 Edit
Mr. Puckett: WHO WANTS PIZZA?
Max: Oh, me.
Page 9 Edit
Max: C'mon, Max! Calm down!
Max: It's not like it's haunted or anything!
Page 10 Edit
Max: I guess I was just being paranoid.
Page 11 Edit
(via text) SAM: howz the new house??
(via text) Max: my dad was so happy about its automatic doors that he ran in and out of the house for half an hour. so yeah, i'm pretty sure all of our neighbors think we're insane..
(via text) SAM: rofl! same old max... but do YOU like it?? :/
Page 12 Edit
Page 13 Edit
Max: Ah, it was just a dream.
Max: LIKE HECK IT WAS!! That was way too vivid!! Maybe it was something I ate.
Max: Gotta think back ....
Mr. Puckett: Oh, dude. Don't forget. New school tomorrow.
Max: You should probably get up around seven o' clock if you wanna be ready in time to make the bus...
Page 14 Edit
Zoey: In a hurry, Maxwell?
Max: I don't have time to make fun of your shirt, Zoey!
Max: I'm gonna be late for school!
Max: Yo! Toss me that backpack!
Page 15 Edit
Mr. Puckett: Son.
Max: Why didn't you wake me up!? I missed the bus on my first day!!
Mr. Puckett: I got distracted playing with the cash register and am very sorry!!
Max: ~Grumble~ ..worst dad ever.. ~Grumble~
Mr. Puckett: Would the worst dad ever give you CANDY for lunch!?
Max: Probably, yes. I'm gonna be so late.
Max: I NEED WHEELS...
Max: Two, specifically. Do you know where my scooter is?
Mr. Puckett: Uh... in the back.
Page 16 Edit
Mr. Puckett: Ride, my child, to the top of the hill.
Mr. Puckett: To your education!!
Max: Cut it out, Dad.
Mr. Puckett: Have a nice day!!
Page 17 Edit
Page 18 Edit
(text) SAM: u spacin max? do u like the house or not?
(text) Max: Induces vivid nightmares in its inhabitants, most likely due to a slow leak of subterranean mind-altering gases. I fear for my family's sanity. Said fear unrelated to previously mentioned toxic fumes.
Page 19 Edit
Johnny: ...And then the sunnova baker comes at me from behind swingin' a baguette like some Kinda PSYCHOPATH!!
Stephen: Heh. Only a coward would attack a man with his back turned.
Johnny: A coward, or someone confident their bread's stale enough to take me out in one hit.
Ollie: So what happened then, Johnny?
Johnny: What do you think happened? I ducked the loaf and gave him the ol' one-two finish.
Stephen: He's gonna need a whole lotta yeast to rise after one-a your punches.
Johnny: Nobody ever gets the drop on me.
Page 20 Edit
Johnny: What the...?
Stephen: Oh man!
Ollie: Ah! Johnny!!
Ollie: He's out cold!
Stephen: R.J.'s in shock, dude!
Max: Oh snap. Is he, like, okay?
Stephen: Who do you think you are, landing on our friend like that?!
Max: That was your friend? I could have sworn he was freshly cut, bright red plot of grass.
Page 21 Edit
Ollie: Stephen! He's coming around dude!!
Stephen: You OK, Bro?
Johnny: I'm... I'm...
Johnny: PERFECTLY FINE!!
Stephen: Wait, how is that even possible? I saw your face, like indent.
Johnny: No idea, yo. I just feel kinda tingly.
Johnny: OK, kid, listen up. You just landed on a very important face.
Johnny: Johnny's face.
Johnny: My face.
Johnny: But seeing as I'm in a good mood, I'll let you off with an apology ...And fifty cent.
Max: Gosh, that's awful merciful of you.
Johnny's gang: Hehe. We're gonna get fifty cents. We can buy chips or something.
Johnny: Whenever you're ready.
Max: Fine I'm so—
Johnny: Why'd you stop?
Page 22 Edit
Max: W-what is that on your head..?
Johnny: Um... my hair?
Max: Oh, jeez! What is that slime stuff!?
Johnny: Well it's gelled, so
Stephen: Yo, he's just trying to distract us, dude.
Ollie: I dunno, man. I think he's making fun of your 'do.
Johnny: He wouldn't dare.
Max: W-what are you guy guys talking about!? Can't you see it!?! This is... it's... It's not natural!!
Johnny: Punk it's dyed.
Ollie: Wait, what?
Johnny: Just like you're about to be.
Johnny: GET 'IM!!
Max: GAH! Stay away from me!!
Page 23 Edit
Johnny: He's duckin' into th' gutter! Get in there Ollie!!
Ollie: I am the wind!
Max: NYEH HEH
Max: That thing came off!
Gang member: Gimme yo' bones, punk!!
Max: I think I'll keep running, though.
Page 24 Edit
Gang member: Haha! Hey Kid!! You're in for it now!!
Johnny: FRIENDSHIP FUSIOOOON!! ♪AAAOOOAAA♫OOOAAAH♪
Max: STOP IT!! You don't MAKE ANY SENSE!!
Max: That does it...
Johnny: Oh, my face!!
Gang member: WHOA! Johnny! Don't tilt that w-
Gang member: EEAARGH!!
Gang member: OUCH!!)
Stephen: Get back here, you jumpy little circus freak!!
Johnny: The Friendship Fusion... defeated!? I-Imposs...
Alt text: If only Ollie hadn't been left behind. Then they could've achieved perfect fusion and used the beam sword.
Page 25 Edit
Alt text: She was just checking out that fine purple hill.
Page 26 Edit
Max: Yeah, you walk under that bridge.
Stephen: That punk kid... Using food as a weapon?? That's a recipe for the collapse of society.
Johnny: He'll get his just desserts. Oh yes.
Johnny: He will feel the FIRE of my WRATH!!
Stephen: Hey, hey! You're getting soup on me!
Max: Haha! Suckers!
Max: Woah, woah!
Max: What th—
Alt text: Yeah, you read that alt text.
Page 27 Edit
Collin: Um... it's eight o'clock.
Suzy: He'll be here.
Collin: Wait a sec. A thought just struck me.
Collin: We have no idea what this new kid looks like.
Suzy: I'll know him when I see him..
Suzy: ...'Cause I fotally jacked his file from the principal's office.
Collin: SUZY, are you CRAZY? Are you trying to get us detention!? Or JAIL TIME!?
Suzy: Maxwell Puckett! White male! Four foot eight! Brown hair...uh...
Suzy: Oh shoot. This could be anybody. There's not even a photo!
Suzy: Darn it, Collin, I'm a terrible journalist.
Collin: Whoa, hey. No you're not. You're just a terrible person.
Suzy: Who's that?
Collin: Huh? Oh, uh... I dunno.
Alt text: Responsible adult originally meant to meet Max drugged, tied up, put in closet.
Page 28 Edit
Suzy: HEY! Are you Maxwell??
Max: Just Max.
Suzy: Great! I'm Suzy, and this is my assistant, Collin.
Collin: I'm more like a slave.
Max: Oh, uh... Nice to meet you.
Suzy: I'll bet. Listen, I run the school newspaper.
Collin: It's more like a pamphlet.
Suzy: You, being here, being you, being new, present the both of us with a unique opportunity.
Max: Sorry, I'd love to chat, but I'm late and it's my first day, so...
Suzy: Late? You're not late. School doesn't start for at least another half hour.
Collin: More like fifteen minutes.
Mr. Puckett: You'd better be ready by eight o'clock, Zoey. In Mayview, they send tardy kids to the mines.
Zoey: It's 8:15, my bus isn't here yet, and you're a LIAR, Dad.
Suzy: You've got the time, Max, and we've got the know-how. We'll give you a tour of the school if you'll answer a few questions along the way.
Max: Um... OK, I guess.
Suzy: OK, cool! First things first, welcome to Mayview Middle School!
Suzy: Thoughts? Does it look crime-infested to you? Dangerous, perhaps?
Alt text: Collin's watch was stolen between panels five and thirteen.
Page 29 Edit
Suzy: So, Max, you must've just moved here, right? Where did you live before Mayview?
Collin: There's the nurse's office.
Max: Um... Baxborough.
Suzy: Ah! The big city! Excellent! Spectacular! Superb!
Collin: That's the cafeteria over there.
Max: Oh. I see.
Max: Hey, uh, Suzy. Do you mind if I ask you a question?
Suzy: Well, it's unorthodox, but all right. Ask away.
Max: Have you ever... um... seen anything... strange...
Max: Like... in the general area of the school?
Collin: There's the library.
Suzy: You're going to have to be a bit more specific, Inspectooorr..
Max: Um... like... weird, purple, see-through... uh... nevermind.
Suzy: Oh, hey! Your locker should be right over there!
Suzy: I hear the lockers in this hallway open on their own if you kick 'em right!
Max: Seriously? Lemme try!
Collin: This isn't a tour or an interview anymore, is it?
Alt Text: Also, the middle school's water fountains release lemonade when put in a sleeper hold.
Page 30 Edit
Suzy: Oh, oh! Max, the best room in the building is right around the corner! (*tap tap*)
Max: The Chamber of Absolute Silence is on this floor?
Dimitri: That was uncalled for.
Suzy: There's no time to slack off, D! Our readers are expecting some cold, hard journalism!
Dimitri/Collin: But we don't have any readers.
Max: Nice place.
Suzy: Oh, this is Max. He's new. Max, this is Dimitri. He's the newspaper's editor or whatever.
Suzy: The three of us make up the Journalism Club, but I've a feeling it's going to be four pretty soon.
Alt text: By now it should be apparent that Paranatural is an elaborate advertisement for hair and blue jeans.
Page 31 Edit
Max: ...is better than my old school in that way.
Suzy: Right, right.
Max: What's this article going to be about, anyways? Me?
Suzy: Nope, it's about getting a fresh look at our school. I've interviewed teachers, janitors—
Suzy: Ohh..? Is that a journalist's curiosity I sense? Are you interested in joining the club?
Max: Uh... I'm not sure it's my thing.
Suzy: Nonsense! You'd fit right in!
Suzy: Ah. Class time. Who's your first period teacher?
Suzy: Whoa, hey. Don't panic. I should have your schedule...
Suzy: Here we go! Mr. Garcia! Nice guy! This one time...
Max: Hey, uh...
Max: Hey, Suzy. Hey!
Max: Could you slow down? I'm kinda stuck in a crowd here! Suzy!
Suzy: ...the entire pizza!)
Alt text: Also forgotten by Max: pencils, notebooks, how to truly love another.
Page 32 Edit
Suzy: Huh? Crowd?
Suzy: ...But this hallway's practically empty.
Suzy: Well, I'm off to class. Here's your schedule.
Suzy: Don't be a stranger, 'kay?
Max: H-how did I not...? A-and I touched... I f-felt...
Alt text: Warping due to the fracturing of Max's psyche/ excessive moisture buildup in the walls.
Page 33 Edit
Max: Uh... Mr. Garcia?
Mr. Garcia: Snrrglemrrff?
Mr. Garcia: Huh?
Mr. Garcia: Maxwell, right? Just sit wherever.
Jeff: ...so then he goes into the ice cream store, and there's another shark!
Lisa: Hey, who's that?
Jeff: NNNNNZIGGAZIGGA-NEW-KID!? No way! No one told us or nothin'!
Violet: Oh, you absolute dork. There's a first impression you'll never live down.
Lisa: Teehee. Zigga
Max: Haha. Hey. I'm Max.
Cody: Say what? New kid?
Ed: I thought I caught a wiffa that new kid smell.
Jeff: Heya. I'm Jeff.
Ed: I'm hungry. And Ed. ...Mostly hungry.
Lisa: I'm Lisa. How do you do?
Max: Nice to meet you.
Violet: My name's Violet.
Cody: My name's Cody. Nice to meetcha.
Alt text: Cool kids sit on desks.
Page 34 Edit
Cody: So what do you think of Mayview, Max?
Max: ...Adjectives fail me.
Jeff: You know what fails me? Mr. Garcia, 'cause I don't laugh at his bad jokes.
Violet: It could be that, Jeff, or it could be you writing the wrong answers on his tests.
Mr. Garcia: Second bell, kids. Time for class.
Mr. Garcia: But before that, we've got a new student—young Maxwell over there—so, like, don't bully him or whatever.
Mr. Garcia: OK, so last time we were discussing the subatomic nature of popcorn, which it turns out is...
Ed: WRITE "ALIENS" NEXT.
Max: H-hey! What gives, man?
Ed: Eeheeheehee. Kinda jumpy there, new kid. Heehee.
Alt text: Mr. Garcia has tenure. DEEP tenure.
Page 35 Edit
Mr. Garcia: ...so here's your textbook, and you can Jeff get a haircut finish this packet at your leisure so that you're caught up.
Mr. Garcia: YAWN
Max: One class down... Gotta get this day over with so I can figure out what's going on around here...
Ms. Baxter: No, see, "Q" isn't even a number...
Cody: Huh-hey, Max! Got an open chair for ya.
Jeff: And it matches your hat!
Max: Ah. Jeff. Cody. Thanks.
Cody: Just a tip: Ms. Baxter looks normal, but she's kinda secret-nuts. Watch out.
Max: Well, kittens and puppies. I'm starting to think crazy is the norm in Mayview.
Ms. Baxter: OK, everyone, take your seats. Today we're going to dive into the fascinating world of long division.
Johnny: Excuse me.
Ms. Baxter: O-oh my.
Johnny: Hi there.
Alt text: Most frequently appearing characters in this comic: Max, the school bell, sentient flock of onomatopoeia appearing in the shape of the word "ring."
Note: The alt text on this page cuts off before "ring" because of the quotation mark. The full text can be seen by using 'inspect element'.
Page 36 Edit
Johnny: Heya, teach. Sorry I'm late. The trip over was murder.
Max: Oh, you gotta be kidding...
Johnny: What are we learnin'? Maths?
Ms. Baxter: Just... take a seat, Johnny.
Johnny: Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well,well,well,well,well,well,well,well,well,well,well,well,well,well,well,well,well...
Cody: Max, is he bothering yo—
Johnny: You shut your pansy mouth, Cody.
Max: What's your problem, man?
Johnny: Oh, you mean besides the whole covered in soup thing?
Johnny: I missed first period lookin' for you, which is bad 'cause I deeply value my education.
Jeff: Lawd, have mercy!
Max: I just thought a meathead like you would go well with some soup!
Johnny: You should've told me you were hungry, punk. I'd be more than happy to share a knuckle sandwich!
Max: You are a spiky jerk.
Johnny: Shuttup, baldy!
Max: What? I'm not bald.
Johnny: I'll bet you've got one-a those monk haircuts under your hat.
Ms. Baxter: BE SYE-LENT!!
Alt text: Max readies the Two-Palm Exploding Cheek technique.
Page 37 Edit
Johnny: Soon as this class ends, punk, you 'n me gonna hafta work out our differences in a friendly manner.
Johnny: Oh, not again with the...
Max: Jeff! Cody! Slow 'im down!
Max: Later, Johnny!
Jeff: Now that's my kinda new kid!
Isaac: Excuse me...
Alt text: Picked on in school? Front flip. Marital problems? Front flip. Massive, soul-crushing debt? Front flip.
Page 38 Edit
Isaac: Hello? The door was unlocked...
Mr. Spender: Hello, Isaac.
Isaac: Oh, sir! I didn't see you there, what with all the lights off...
Mr. Spender: Ah, yes. Sorry about that, Isaac. I was just checking the room for night lamps.
Mr. Spender: They're very shy little spirits, you see, and only reveal themselves in the dark.
Isaac: Ohh, I see. Were there any?
Mr. Spender: A few.
Isaac: What was I... OH! Right! Sir, I think I found another person like us!
Mr. Spender: What?!
Isaac: There was this kid I'd never seen before, aaand he was talking about seeing "see-through, purple" things... And then I could've sworn I saw him mistake some of them for real people!! Those are the textbook signs he's gonna become like us, right?!
Mr. Spender: I-indeed. Someone you'd... never seen before...
Isaac: We have to get this guy, right? I'll find Isabel, and—
Mr. Spender: WAIT!!
Mr. Spender: You don't have to do anything.
Isaac: Huh? B-but if this guy starts seeing everything and we're not around, he's gonna flip his nuggets! Just like—
Voice: I know, Isaac. I know. But if what you said is true, he's only in the early stages.
Voice: We've got time. And besides...
Voice: ...there's a good chance this "kid you'd never seen before" will be coming straight to me...
Alt text: AND THEN JOHNNY BUSTS THROUGH THE WALL AND TELLS A JOKE.
Page 39 Edit
Max: Lunch time...
Angry Band Kid: Stand up straight, Simmons, you're more bent out of shape than your sorry excuse for an instrument.
Angry Band Kid: Fitzgerald, a limbless chimp could play a better triangle than you.
Max: Clubs, huh? Wonder if I should take Suzy up on her offer.
Max: Haha. How vague can you get?
Max: Erg... C'mon, Max. Focus. Gotta figure out...
Max: ...if those purple things...
Max: ...could actually... be...
Max: ...What am I doing?
Max: Some kind of... storage closet...?
Max: Alas, my marbles have been irrecoverably lost.
Alt text: Angry band kid teased incessantly by a tuba player as a toddler.
Page 40 Edit
Isabel: Go away! I can't talk here!
Ghost: Young lady, please wait...!!
Ghost: We're in graaave danger!!
Isabel: What, again? Go bother Isaac.
Ghost: Mmnph! There'sh a shpirit! A shpirit on th' shecond flar!!
Ghost: It's eating things!!
Isabel: Which is exactly what I'd like to be doing, so if you don't mind...
Isabel: It's eating ghosts and spirits! Slurping them up like spectral spaghetti!
Ghost: Please, young lady! Have a heart!
Isabel: Hey, c'mon. You know I'll help. But you ghosts have to fend for yourselves a bit, y'know? Can't you defend yourself with your spectral energy's abilities?
Ghost: I make butterflies.
Isabel: I... I see.
Isabel: I don't have my Tool at the moment, but the guys and I can look into this later. Just stay... dead until then. ...Okay?
Alt text: Oh, noodle arms. I've missed you so.
Page 41 Edit
Max: Whew. Finally found it.
Jeff: Hey, Max!
Suzy: Oh no you don't, Maxitrillion. You're gonna break bread with the J-club, no two ways about it.
Alt text: I have a cousin named Dhorf.
Page 42 Edit
Max: I haven't decided yet. There... are a lot of clubs.
Suzy: Being with us is like being in all clubs, 'cause we spy on everyone else.
Collin: Suzy, I will call the police. I will call them and they will take you away.
Max: Oh yeah? Well then, uh... what's the Activity Club do?
Suzy: GOOD QUESTION!!
Collin: Pandora's box, Max. You just ripped it in half.
Suzy: Let me tell you a story, Max. It was the start of sixth grade...
Suzy: My first assignment as a new member of the Journalism Club was to write an article about the school's organizations.
Suzy: I went to every club, every team, figured out their purpose, meeting times, their number of members... ...except for one. The ACTIVITY CLUB!!
Suzy: Every time I tried to interview them, the jerks'd give me the slip. I couldn't even figure out what they DO!
Suzy: I was forced to turn the article in... INCOMPLETE!!
Dimitri: They're not so bad.
Suzy: They're a bunch of nerd mooching off of the school budget, Dimitri!
Max: Gosh, that's swell.
Suzy: Yeah, well, I'm over it. I could care less if they're a cult or some kinda crime ring.
Collin: Nice lunch.
Max: Huh? Oh, uh... yeah.
Max: Do either of you have a can opener? ...or a microwave?
Alt text: Suzy, incidentally, is carrying a microwave opener.
Page 43 Edit
Violet: Hey... Max, right? Mind if I give you some friendly advice?
Max: Uh... OK.
Violet: Don't sit in the front row. Mr. S is big on class participation. ...The unpleasant kind.
Lisa: Oh, Violet, I must disagree. His gestizulations alone vastly expanded my vocabulary. You'll enjoy being up close, Max.
Violet: Yeah, well, oddity loves company, Lisa.
Max: Wait, why are you sitting up front the?
Violet: ...I need the stars...
Mr. Starchman: Goooooooood....
Page 44 Edit
Mr. Starchman: ..AFTERNOOON!!! IT'STIMEFORENGLISHYESITIS
Lisa: Good afternoon, Mr. Starchman.
Mr. Starchman: What's this!? A new mind to mold!?
Mr. Starchman: THAT'S SPECTACULAR.
Mr. Starchman: Tell me, student! Would you like to win a Starchman Star!?
Mr. Starchman: They can be exchanged for a plethora of prizes!
Mr. Starchman: Just answer one question! What...
Mr. Starchman: ...IS YOUR NAME??
Max: Um... Max.
Mr. Starchman: THAT'S THE BEST NAME! You've earned a star!
Max: Oh, uh... Thank you.
Alt text: What... IS YOUR QUEST??
Page 45 Edit
Max: Too surreal to be awake, to exhausting to be asleep.
Max: I don't know how much more of this weirdness I can take.
Voice: Nice star, Commodore Stupidhat.
Johnny: Whose face 'ja land on to get that?
Max: Johnny, that doesn't even make sens—
Stephen: Shutchur mouth-hole, punk. We talk you listen.
Johnny: No matter how hard I try, Max. No matter how hard I try... I can't shake the stencha tomato.
Johnny: It's a hollow smell, Max. Leaves me cravin'. Cravin' red. I need it on me. All over me. You bleed what I meeean!?
Johnny: This beast needs feedin', Max. It needs CLOSURE.
Johnny: So gimme dat fifty cents!
Max: Buzz off. I don't have time for you.
Johnny: 'Ey! It's fiddy or fight, punk! You gonna run away again?
Max: Fine, you wanna go?!
Alt text: Johnny doesn't drink water. He absorbs it through awesomeosis.
Page 46 Edit
Johnny: Well that cleared my sinuses!
Max: Glad I could help.
Johnny: But man, man, how'd you learn to do flips like that?
Ollie: Yeah, that was pretty diesel.
Max: S'kind of a hobby. Do you have change for a dollar?
Johnny: Oh, sure. Nothin' like facing your problems head on, huh? With your fightin' brain?
Max: Boy, Johnny, you're really all stem, aren't you?
Stephen: Try putting it in sepia. Oo-hoo, niiice!!
Johnny: No, seriously. I mean, why take the maze when you can bust on through the walls?
Max: That's dumb.
Max: You're dumb.
Johnny: Says you, new kid. C'mon R.J, Stephen, Ollie! Let's go bribe the faculty.
Stephen: See ya 'round, loser!!
Max: ONE MORE CLASS ONE MORE CLASS ONE MORE CLASS ONE MORE CLASS ONE MORE CLASS ONE MORE CLASS ONE MORE CLASS ONE MORE CLASS ONE MORE CLASS ONE MORE CLASS ONE
Alt text: Guys, you should have seen that fight.
Page 47 Edit
Mr. Spender: ...Hello.
Mr. Spender: You must be Maxwell. I'm Mr. Spender. Please, sit wherever you'd like.
Max: Uh... OK.
Max: Sunglasses. Why sunglasses?
Max: Ah! Hey Jeff... Sorry about... lunch.
Jeff: Oh, don't worry about it man. S'my fault.
Jeff: It's not like I can expect a cool kid who does flips to join our table after like one conversation.
Jeff: I didn't think we were tight or nothin' so it wasn't like you sitting elsewhere was a crushing blow to my psyche. ...Buddy.
Max: Ha ha. What. I mean... I wanted to.
Max: I was kind of forced against my will to sit with that weirdaaaaaaaarling girl reporter Suzy Whatever, light of my first day.
Suzy: Tsk tsk, Max! A good journalist can't worry about who they offend!
Suzy: Say, Max, you should—
Suzy: ..swing by the club room after school, check out the latest issue.
Alt text: A good journalist talks with one eye closed whenever possible.
Page 48 Edit
Mr. Spender: Now then, kids, let's begin. Last time, we explored the possibility that the aerodynamics of Cortez's helmet actually greatly facilitated his movement about...
Max: ...What, no stars? No yelling or jumping around? Boooring...
Mr. Spender: ...Well, Maxwell?
Max: AUGH!! ...Y-Yes!?
Mr. Spender: ...My question. Were you... not paying attention?
Max: N-no, I just don't know the answer. My good pal Jeff looks like he might, though. Heh heh.
Mr. Spender: See me after class.
Page 49 Edit
Class: Woo! Day's over!
Isabel: Mr. Spender, there might be something... a situation that...
Mr. Spender: Understood. We'll talk upstairs.
Suzy: Chin up! Shoulders back! Chest out! Charm to the max! Engines, full power! You got this!
Suzy: See you later? Not so later?
Suzy: Room three-o'-fooourrr... Across from the libraryyyy...
Mr. Spender: ..Don't worry. You're not in trouble. You had every reason to be distracted, Maxwell.
Max: ..Just Max.
Mr. Spender: A sudden change in environment can be confusing, even terrifying, yes?
Mr. Spender: Will you be taking the bus home?
Max: Oh, uh... no. My... house... It's pretty close. Gonna walk... ...scoot...
Mr. Spender: Excellent. Then, if you'd please, swing by Room 313 before you go. I'll have your textbook and some info to get you up to speed.
Mr. Spender: You may go.
Max: Oh. 'Kay. Sweet. Can do. Bye. My name? Dr. Free. Dr. Scott Free. ..No autographs.
Isabel: Hey-o! Isaac!
Isaac: Oh. Isabel.
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Isaac: OH! Isabel! Listen, this kid—
Isabel: Awesome. Scoot over. I gotta check on the second floor.
Isabel: Oh, criminy..
Ghost: SAVE YOURSELF!!
Isaac: That ghost seems distressed.
Isaac: The horror of eternal undeath?
Isabel: Wishful thinking. I'm guessing it's fear of the "chased by a hungry spirit" variety.
Mr. Spender: Sounds serious.
Mr. Spender: And how long were we aware of said spirit without stopping it from prancing about the spectral buffet that is our school?
Isaac: Oh, Mr. Spender.
Isabel: My Tool was in the club room! It was one of those ghost-who-cried-wolf situations!
Isabel: Look! Got my Tool! Me and Isaac can go investigate now!
Isaac: Isaac and I.
Mr. Spender: ..One of you stays. We're expecting a guest.
Isabel: Who? Mr. Walker?
Mr. Spender: No, someone your age.
Isaac: Oh. You mean him? Great?
Ed: I gotchur message, Izzy! What're we meetin' abou—
Mr. Spender: Ah, Ed. Good timing. Care for a little solo spirit hunting?
Ed: Wh-But I did morning patrol! I even missed breakfast!
Isabel: Ghost-eater. Second floor. Go with grace. And a walkie-talkie.
Ed: Pssh. Fine.
Mr. Spender: Tool at the ready, Ed. Be discreet with your powers, but, as always, your safety has priority over our secrets.
Ed: Yes, my king. Fair princess, should I die of beast or boredom, bury me with my CDs.
Isabel: I shall, brave knight. Godspeed.
Ed: Squire boy Isaac, do my homework while I'm gone.
Isaac: Aye sir. I mean no. No way.
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Ed: Heya, Max!
Max: Oh, hey...
Ed': Dum dee dum
Spirit': ¡AY DIOS MIO!
Ghost: HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOO—
Ed: Aw, jeez! Hold on, I'm comin'!
Ravenous Gobbledygook: HRISSK?
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Ed: ..Feh. Small fry.
Ed: Hey! How many of you are in there?
Ravenous Gobbledygook: SHNRRK
Spirit: I can't feel my legs!
Ed: Ectoplasm. Gross.
Ed: KEE CHAW!
Spender: Ed, report! I need a danger assessment on that apparition!
Ed: It has the power to destroy us all!!
Isabel: I'm going!
Ed: Weak but zippy, sir.
Spender: Understood. Isabel's on it, back her up.
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Ed: Come in, Creepy Weasel. This is Papa Dragon King.
Ed: Target's trail is showing evidence of poltergeisting.
Ed: Property damage imminent. Requesting danger level change to code delta 3 orange soda.
Spender: That's not a thing, Ed.
Spender: Look, just join up with Isabel, ok? She can handle a spirit poltergeisting or not, but she's not by any of our tapped cameras and I'd prefer to stay in constant contact.
Max: ..!? Agai—
Max: ..HEY!! Are you chasing that purple thing!? Can you see it?!
Isabel: Huh?! Wha? Purple—
Isabel: *GASP!* You're seeing shades?!
Isabel: Oh wow, I haven't met any new spectrals in like three years! Who are you?! The others are gonna be so surprised ... can't wait to tell them! Oh boy, there's so ... don't know! A whole world of new things ... [?] ... really hope you can do more th ... I mean seeing everything is c ... re cool if you found a tool ... e vessel! That's where I ... is trust me!!
Isabel: Hey. Stop. Stop here, ok? I can't fight and protect a newbie at the same time.
Max: What? No way!! I want answers right n—
Isabel: I don't have time to explain, but I'm locking you in here.
Isabel: I'll be back in a minute, ok?
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Isabel: Don't bother getting back up. You'll be back on the floor in a few moments.
Isabel: Are you trying to scare me?
Isabel: That's going to be hard.
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Phone: ♫BLAAAM! Busta cap in that sucka! Pull out all my knives an' put some holes in that sucka!♪
Max: Hey, Doghouse. What's shakin'?
Doghouse: It's been too long, bro! Sam said you're all moved in and sending her mopey text messages!
Max: It's been two days. ..And I'm not mopey.
Doghouse: So wuhssa word, bro? Anything good to climb and/or jump off of?!
Max: Well.. there's like there.. gulley.. sewer things.. uh.. It's pretty bad.
Max: Listen, Doghouse, buddy, I can't really talk right now. I', at school.. in a closet.. ..A locked closet.
Doghouse: HUH?! D'joo scone the local protein already?!
Max: ..It was a small, cheerful girl that did this, actually.
Max: So, I guess I'm, like, waiting for help now..
Doghouse: WHAT?! That's not what we do! If there's an obstacle, we find a way around it! You goin' bones on me, bro?!
Max: Heh. "Why take the maze," huh?
Doghouse: I dunno what that means but BREAK DOWN THAT DOOR, MAN!
Max: Hm.. feels tied not locked.. With the proper tool, maybe..
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Isabel: If I knew..
Isabel: ..you were so dedicated to this whole "not getting beaten by me" shtick..
Isabel: ..I'd have stretched or something.
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Ed: Hey, Izzy! You beat that spirit yet?
Spirit: SACRÉ BLEU!!
Ed: A-dur hur hur..
Isabel: Give chase, you clown!
Spender: Drat. The beast escapes.
Spender: Working theory, Isaac: Enmity of starving animals sealed in school's walls during construction produces vengeful, hungry spirit.
Isaac: Isabel scares the figurative pants of spirit, spirit becomes a grudge. What now, sir?
Spender: Now? Now we join the action!
Isaac: So corny..
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Spender: Urk! Not like this!
Isabel: Oh no!!
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Max: Someone want to tell me what's going on?!
Spender: Maxwell! Back away from—
Ed: SWEET MOTHER MACKAREL!! The new kid's a spectral!
Spender: Black spectral energy!? That's...
Spender: ...fairly common.
Isaac: M-Mr.Spender... THAT BAT'S A TOOL!
Spender: Yes, I think we've all figured that out, Isaac. KIDS!
Max: O-ow..! My head!
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Isabel: Did you see that!? He just one-shotted that spirit!
Ed: Izzy I'm freaking oout!
Max: Now someone's gonna tell me.. WHAT..
Max: ..IS GOING..
Max: ..Muscles... weakening.. ..wit.. fading..
Spirit: We're free! Free!
Spirit: Haha! Who am I.
Max: What? Whaat?
Mr. Spender: Not of the spectral sort, I don't think. Most in our young friend's situation begin their foray into the supernatural by blowing up buildings or worse. We should be thankful; the only thing worse than a rampaging spirit is that spirit's powers in the hand of a hyperactive tween. All right there, Maxwell?
Max: ..All I've eaten today was like three "Apple Thangs."
Mr. Spender: That explains it.
Spirit: Merci, mon ami.
Isabel: STOP BEING EVIL.
Spender: Isabel, Ed! Back to the room.
Max: My Veeesst.
Isabel: Just tying up loose ends, Mr. S!
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Spender: Look, Maxwell. This is the world we have the privilege of being a part of..
Spender: ..A world teeming with life unbound by the laws of reality.
Isabel: You can see them, right? All of them?
Max: My brain is activating all of its denial circuits simulta--
Max: Huh? ..Wait, was that--
Max: ..oh. OH.
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Spender: You'll be wanting answers, then.
Spender: Faint, purple wisps that appear and disappear in a heartbeat: seeing them is how it begins.
Spender: We call these visions shades.
Isaac: They'll appear more frequently and in greater detail until eventually you see them for what they really are...
Isabel: Some of them, yeah.
Isaac: That creature that attacked you wasn't a ghost-- it was a spirit.
Isaac: Unlike ghosts, spirits were never alive, for lack of a better word.
Max: Those drawings are horrendous, for lack of a better word.
Spender: Isaac, you're embarrassing the whole club.
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Spender: People like us, we've gained properties normally reserved for apparitions. Producing the tinted vapor we call spectral energy, for example. It's like we're dead without being dead.
Max: OK, so ghosts are real. Hot dog. Why can I see them?
Isaac: A near death experience, prolonged exposure to supernatural phenomena, a diet obnoxiously high in citrus...
Spender: Irrelevant. What matters is what you do with your talents now you have them.
Max: Become a middle school teacher?
Spender: A comedian. How charming.
Spender: Hrm. Well. Introductions. You know me, of course.
Max: Right. Mr. Splendid.
Spender: AHEM. Moving right along, this is Ed.
Ed: We've met.
Spender: Over here we have Isabel.
Isabel: Sorry about the whole closet thing.
Spender: And lastly we have Isaac, who is desperately trying to claw his way up from his position as club mascot by undermining my authority.
Isaac: I will dance on your grave, sir.
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Ed: AND TOGETHER WE ARE--
Max: The Activity Club?
Ed: Oh. Yeah. How'd you know?
Max: It's written on the door. Along with "paranatural," whatever that means.
Isabel: It's the words "paranormal" and "supernatural" combined. Because that's what we... what we're concerned with. Paranatural activity. Yeah. The Paranatural Activity Club.
Ed: Yeah, but only we can see that first part 'cause I done painter'd it.
Max: Come again?
Spender: Show, don't tell.
Ed: Aye, sir!
Spender: You too, Isabel. Let him see the tools of the trade.
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Max: OH GOD WHAT
Spender: You're lucky, you know.
Spender: A privileged few are granted the ability to observe the world of the supernatural...
Spender: ...and fewer still are given the tools to shape it.
Spender: As you have been.
Spender: I believe that baseball bat is one of the rare, supernatural objects we call tools.
Spender: It engineered its encounter with you and jump-started your development as a spectral.
Max: WHERE IS THE BLEEPING DOOR!?
Spender: What? No, don't go! SUPERPOWERS! It gives you SUPERPOWERS!
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Spender: Yes, yes! Like controlling paper!! Cool, huh?
Isabel: The coolest!
Max: You're saying I'll get superpowers if I join your club? That seems sketch.
Spender: What? No, The bat will give you some sort of power regardless of whether—
Max: Oh, cool. I just won't join the club then.
Spender: Wh—! N-no, you—
Isaac: You need us to keep you from being eaten 'til you powers come in.
Max: Is that a thing? Is that a thing that happens?
Spender: [...] Isaac...
Spender: The Activity Club's primary purpose is the pacification of evil spirits....
Spender: ..B-but it's also a way for spectral youth like yourself to learn about the supernatural!
Isabel: Mostly we just mess around, though.
Ed: Onion. Onion. Un-yun.
Max: I-I'm gonna go.
Max: I'll think about it. Joining, that is. Maybe. Probably not. Unlikely. That I won't join.
Isabel: We gotta go too or Grandpa will be ticked!
Spender: At least he took the bat.
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Suzy: CRIME OF ALL CRIMES!
Suzy: Max ignores my invitation and then starts flitting about with the Activity Club!?
Suzy: No, no, NO! They're exchanging contact information!
Isabel: ..So ghosts are like totally a secret, OK?)
Suzy: WE SAW HIM FIRST! No, don't wave goodbye! SPIT IN THEIR FACES!!
Suzy: O-Oh, I get it! He's infiltrating them to do some hardcore muckraking! Yeah!
Collin: I'd shatter that sad illusion, but it's probably the only thing keeping you from blowing up his house.
Suzy: Collin, Dimitri. The betrayal demands an INVESTIGATION!!
Collin: Is this going to end with you blowing up his house?
Dimitri: This is going to end with her blowing up his house
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Mr. Puckett: Fiendish rogue! I'll end this fight with a knee to your guts, Zoey!
Zoey: Rogueish fiend! I'll fight to the end and gut your knees, Father!
Mr. Puckett: The loss is yours daughter-of-mine! My knees have no guts to gut!!
Zoey: Ah! Max!
Zoey: What took you? We were—I was worried!
Mr. Puckett: How was school, Buddy Bear?
Max: Pretty cool, I guess.